Sex Talk
This is where I talk about whatever is on your/my mind...
I will be sharing my thoughts and ideas, my findings about what is new and exciting in the world of sensuality, sexuality and relationships... You can write to me directly by e mails (Please mentioned this page and the topic you want to discuss to avoid confusion) and/or use the form below to share what's on your mind or ask questions or comment on what I write. Your personal informations will always be kept confidential and your email address never shared.
New informations will be brought up regularly in order of newer to older... newest being on top
New informations will be brought up regularly in order of newer to older... newest being on top
Meet the Tantric Exercise That Boosts Intimacy in 30 Seconds Flat, According to an Intimacy Expert
Kells McPhillips・March 13, 2020
A decade ago in 2010, performance artist Marina Abramović dazzled the public with her MoMA retrospective, The Artist is Present. For 736 hours total, Abramović invited any and all human beings to stare into her eyes for as long as they so desired. And, as awkward as it sounds, the practice led to some majorly intimate moments (think: people literally bursting into tears). Abramović isn’t the only one who knows just how powerful eye gazing can be; somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist Holly Richmond, LMFT, recommends it to every single couple who walks through her door for its intimacy-boosting potential.
I first learned about this at a recent mindful sex workshop hosted by pleasure brand Dame, where Richmond asked a room full of strangers (myself included) to eye gaze—not in the name of performance art, but as a tantric practice in intimacy. “I have my couples clients do this all the time when they’ve just been disconnected, they’re not having sex, or they’re fighting all the time,” Richmond says. “Do this before you have sex and even after you have sex. Really, what comes up can be profound. You might laugh, you might have gas, your stomach might flip.”
“”I have my couples clients practice eye gazing all the time when they’ve just been disconnected, they’re not having sex, or they’re fighting all the time.” —Holly Richmond, LMFT, sex therapist
But since this was a mindful sex workshop, though, so it focused on fostering deeper affection among people who you are, you know, actually having sex. And as all of us in the room soon learned, eye gazing can also be deeply meaningful for relationships that are purely platonic. That’s because Richmond asked us to partner up with a stranger, turn our chairs so that we were situated face-to-face, and commence staring into the depths of each other’s irises. It was difficult at the start, but as Abromović demonstrated at the MoMA years ago, it was also deeply meaningful. Here’s how to try it for yourself.
How to try tantric eye gazing for newfound levels of intimacy in 3 steps1.
1. Grab a partner (it can be your partner, another consenting individual, or even yourself with the help of a hand mirror), and sit directly across from them.
2. Take a deep breath. “If you feel like touching your partner and that’s okay [with them], great. If you just prefer eye gazing, that’s fine, too,” says Richmond. If it’s your significant other, for example, try reaching for their hands.
3. “To make sure your eyes don’t dart back and forth, look left eye to left eye and right eye to right eye,” Richmond says. For 30 seconds, do just this and nothing else. It’s cool if you laugh, cry, whatever—just do your best to keep the eye contact strong.
The first time you try eye gazing, it may not yield desired results, per se, but Richmond says it’s really about playing the long game to ultimately have a relationship that’s more trusting, intimate, and—yes—sexier. “I have couples as clients who are really into tantra and mindful sex and will do this for five minutes,” she says. “What they report back is that it’s just two souls coming together, and it makes sex that much more present and mindful, engaged and connected.”
Abramović knew it a decade ago, and pretty soon you will, too.
Kells McPhillips・March 13, 2020
A decade ago in 2010, performance artist Marina Abramović dazzled the public with her MoMA retrospective, The Artist is Present. For 736 hours total, Abramović invited any and all human beings to stare into her eyes for as long as they so desired. And, as awkward as it sounds, the practice led to some majorly intimate moments (think: people literally bursting into tears). Abramović isn’t the only one who knows just how powerful eye gazing can be; somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist Holly Richmond, LMFT, recommends it to every single couple who walks through her door for its intimacy-boosting potential.
I first learned about this at a recent mindful sex workshop hosted by pleasure brand Dame, where Richmond asked a room full of strangers (myself included) to eye gaze—not in the name of performance art, but as a tantric practice in intimacy. “I have my couples clients do this all the time when they’ve just been disconnected, they’re not having sex, or they’re fighting all the time,” Richmond says. “Do this before you have sex and even after you have sex. Really, what comes up can be profound. You might laugh, you might have gas, your stomach might flip.”
“”I have my couples clients practice eye gazing all the time when they’ve just been disconnected, they’re not having sex, or they’re fighting all the time.” —Holly Richmond, LMFT, sex therapist
But since this was a mindful sex workshop, though, so it focused on fostering deeper affection among people who you are, you know, actually having sex. And as all of us in the room soon learned, eye gazing can also be deeply meaningful for relationships that are purely platonic. That’s because Richmond asked us to partner up with a stranger, turn our chairs so that we were situated face-to-face, and commence staring into the depths of each other’s irises. It was difficult at the start, but as Abromović demonstrated at the MoMA years ago, it was also deeply meaningful. Here’s how to try it for yourself.
How to try tantric eye gazing for newfound levels of intimacy in 3 steps1.
1. Grab a partner (it can be your partner, another consenting individual, or even yourself with the help of a hand mirror), and sit directly across from them.
2. Take a deep breath. “If you feel like touching your partner and that’s okay [with them], great. If you just prefer eye gazing, that’s fine, too,” says Richmond. If it’s your significant other, for example, try reaching for their hands.
3. “To make sure your eyes don’t dart back and forth, look left eye to left eye and right eye to right eye,” Richmond says. For 30 seconds, do just this and nothing else. It’s cool if you laugh, cry, whatever—just do your best to keep the eye contact strong.
The first time you try eye gazing, it may not yield desired results, per se, but Richmond says it’s really about playing the long game to ultimately have a relationship that’s more trusting, intimate, and—yes—sexier. “I have couples as clients who are really into tantra and mindful sex and will do this for five minutes,” she says. “What they report back is that it’s just two souls coming together, and it makes sex that much more present and mindful, engaged and connected.”
Abramović knew it a decade ago, and pretty soon you will, too.
Talking About Sex When You're Married
By Sheri Stritof
on January 26, 2020
Although many experts believe that a majority of marriages today are in distress because of financial reasons, problems with sex and sexuality rank high, too. It seems easier to talk to a stranger online than to your own partner. In fact, the topic of sex is the number one problem discussed in online relationship forums.
These conversations can bring up a log of anxiety in you and cause you to avoid having them altogether. Know that there are some strategies to make these talks easier and you are likely to find it worth the effort.
Being able to talk about sex with your partner is important for sexual satisfaction. Research has found that couples who have strong sexual communication are actually more satisfied with their sex lives.1
The Right Time to Talk About Sex Problems
Start Slow Have a "soft start" to the conversation. Begin with your goal to feel closer and connected with your spouse. Avoid blaming. Skip criticisms and focus on things you can both do to make your sex life more fulfilling.
Focus on Intimacy Remember that affection and intimacy are just as important as the frequency of sex.2 There are ways to build intimacy and feel more connected beyond intercourse, so be sure to talk about your needs for other types of affection as well.
Skip the Surprises It is important that you are both on the same page, so you should always initiate those conversations first before springing any surprises on your partner. Talk about what you both might enjoy and fantasies you might have. If you do decide to introduce some of these into your relationship, research your options together.
If you do not want to create more problems in your sex life, don't purchase any sex advice books or sex toys without discussing the issue with your spouse first.
Express Yourself Talk with one another about your expectations, your fears, your desires, your concerns, and be honest. It is critical to talk about your innermost feelings about this.
Do not be afraid to talk about what you like sexually and what you don't like. Your comfort level is quite important to satisfying sex life.
Talk Often Realize that you may have to have a few conversations and not just one long conversation. This is not a one-time conversation but should be an ongoing discussion and a normal part of your relationship. Research has found that talking to your partner about sex is linked to greater relationship satisfaction.3
Talking to Your Husband or Wife About Difficult TopicsKnow Your Sexual Style Explore your "sexual styles" with one another. All couples have these styles or moods at some point in time during their married lives:
Communication is an important part of great sex. This conversation is necessary for all couples—whether you are newlyweds or older, long-married couples. Having a healthy sex life is a great gift and a gift to be enjoyed and nurtured. It is what makes a marriage special—more than just a platonic relationship.
How Much Sex Is Enough in a Marriage or Relationship?
By Sheri Stritof
on January 26, 2020
Although many experts believe that a majority of marriages today are in distress because of financial reasons, problems with sex and sexuality rank high, too. It seems easier to talk to a stranger online than to your own partner. In fact, the topic of sex is the number one problem discussed in online relationship forums.
These conversations can bring up a log of anxiety in you and cause you to avoid having them altogether. Know that there are some strategies to make these talks easier and you are likely to find it worth the effort.
Being able to talk about sex with your partner is important for sexual satisfaction. Research has found that couples who have strong sexual communication are actually more satisfied with their sex lives.1
The Right Time to Talk About Sex Problems
- Pick a neutral location. Do not talk about sexual problems in your bedroom or at bedtime. Pick a more "neutral" location. Make sure the kids are not in earshot!
- Avoid post-sex talks. Do not talk about sex right after having sex. Again, pick a more "neutral" time as well.
- Do not blindside your spouse. If you want to talk about sexual problems, let your spouse know (without placing blame) that you think the two of you need to have a talk about your sexual intimacy. Set up a time to have the talk.
Start Slow Have a "soft start" to the conversation. Begin with your goal to feel closer and connected with your spouse. Avoid blaming. Skip criticisms and focus on things you can both do to make your sex life more fulfilling.
Focus on Intimacy Remember that affection and intimacy are just as important as the frequency of sex.2 There are ways to build intimacy and feel more connected beyond intercourse, so be sure to talk about your needs for other types of affection as well.
Skip the Surprises It is important that you are both on the same page, so you should always initiate those conversations first before springing any surprises on your partner. Talk about what you both might enjoy and fantasies you might have. If you do decide to introduce some of these into your relationship, research your options together.
If you do not want to create more problems in your sex life, don't purchase any sex advice books or sex toys without discussing the issue with your spouse first.
Express Yourself Talk with one another about your expectations, your fears, your desires, your concerns, and be honest. It is critical to talk about your innermost feelings about this.
Do not be afraid to talk about what you like sexually and what you don't like. Your comfort level is quite important to satisfying sex life.
Talk Often Realize that you may have to have a few conversations and not just one long conversation. This is not a one-time conversation but should be an ongoing discussion and a normal part of your relationship. Research has found that talking to your partner about sex is linked to greater relationship satisfaction.3
Talking to Your Husband or Wife About Difficult TopicsKnow Your Sexual Style Explore your "sexual styles" with one another. All couples have these styles or moods at some point in time during their married lives:
- Spiritual: This is a union of mind, body, and soul that reflects your deep appreciation of being with one another. It can be created by noticing the small moments in your lives.
- Funny: This style is when you can laugh and tease one another in bed. It is about having fun together. There is a light and playful undertone.
- Angry: This is making love even when you're ticked off at each other. This style can be healing. However, be sure that your problems are eventually talked about and resolved.
- Lusty: This style is wicked and flirty. You may be giving each other seductive looks or doing a "quickie." This is also about the joy of having sex just for the sake of sex.
- Tender: This style is the gentle, romantic, healing sex that involves massages, light touches, and ministering to one another. You both are into the sensations of sex and focus on giving each other pleasure.
- Fantasy: The fantasy style is a collaboration between the two of you to be daring and to experiment a bit. Be careful about sharing your personal sexual fantasies with one another. If you do decide to share your fantasies with your spouse, the two of you need to set guidelines and honor each other's limits.
Communication is an important part of great sex. This conversation is necessary for all couples—whether you are newlyweds or older, long-married couples. Having a healthy sex life is a great gift and a gift to be enjoyed and nurtured. It is what makes a marriage special—more than just a platonic relationship.
How Much Sex Is Enough in a Marriage or Relationship?
How to Orgasm - 5 Ways to Ignite Your Orgasms
Written by Grace Ho
(Especially if you have difficulty orgasming or have never orgasmed)
If you are not in complete shock from the pleasure you create in your body through orgasming, I want to share my techniques for how to orgasm that will empower you to seize control and elevate your own.
This is for you, if you: 1. Have asked yourself, “Why can’t I orgasm, or are not regularly experiencing blissful orgasms? I share techniques for how to orgasm and different types of orgasms.
2. You are already the queen of sensational, complete body orgasms and are ready to reach new depths of pleasure in your steamy journey. I share some potentially new techniques for how to pleasure yourself and how to have multiple orgasms.
My first orgasm was an accident.
An eye-opening, mind-shattering, somewhat confusing, but absolutely empowering accident that I stumbled upon while alone one day. For the first time, I was capable of achieving that powerful “O” the magazines I paged through at the grocery store referenced. This was it!
But then I had trouble finding this ecstatic sensation again. I tried doing the same thing as before but I just couldn’t get there. I felt a sense of powerlessness, inadequacy- was something wrong with me? Or perhaps I just need to find the right partner? Something was blocking my newfound power, and I felt frustrated and confused.
And to make matters worse, I felt I needed to show my partner I was capable and in control of my sexuality, so I repeatedly faked orgasms with my partner.
Why was it difficult for my body to achieve orgasm? I didn’t know what to do, or what exactly I was looking for, but I was determined to find my answer: to dig deeper to investigate this secret pleasure my body was capable of… Little did I know then how capable I was.I didn’t find the answers overnight, but over the next few years, I opened myself to new ideas and experiences. I began to understand the importance and power of both mental and physical techniques that freed my body to orgasm, so that faking it never again needs to be my experience. I’m going to share a few useful techniques that will help you ignite your orgasms.
But first, let’s ask, “What is an orgasm exactly?”
The science behind an orgasm has to do with a hormone called “Oxytocin”, referred to as “the love hormone”. It occurs naturally in the body at many points in life, causing you to feel relaxed, more sociable, and sexually aroused, but most importantly for our topic today, a flood of oxytocin is released in the body when you orgasm. The more intense your orgasm, the more oxytocin your body is releasing. The oxytocin from orgasming can cause powerful, pulsing muscle contractions, it can make your heart race, and it releases an amazing physical feeling, sometimes from head to toe.
Yes! Science has discovered what is behind the highly sought-after climax of bliss known as the orgasm.
It’s also important to know that you can reach orgasm in many different ways, not just physical touch. In fact, the majority of an orgasm occurs in the mind. For this reason, if you struggle with stress, demoralizing sexual messages, fear, anxiety, guilt, expectation, or boredom, you could be obstructing your orgasm potential. Before you try the techniques for how to orgasm below, clear yourself of these, especially fear and anxiety, and be sure to relax your body and not only accept but revel in the differing sensations of each type of orgasm.
Types of Orgasms & Techniques
Clitoral Orgasm: The clitoris is a small, nerve-dense body part located right above the vagina. Its onlyfunction is to provide salacious sexual pleasure.
Recommended technique for how to reach clitoral orgasm: Explore the area of the clit gently using your fingers first. Apply light pressure in a circular motion interchanged with a gentle tapping of your pointer finger. Allow yourself to get in a comfortable groove for climax. There are also many vibrators and sex toys for the clit. I love our very own tuLips as it is made to stimulate the entire clitoris, not just the tip.
Vaginal Orgasm: Located on the front vaginal wall of the urethral sponge, which is found in the lower genital area sitting against the pubic bone and vaginal wall, is the G spot that can become highly aroused during sexual engagement. You may need to apply some more pressure and interchange with greater pulses to feel your body respond. Try some controlled deep breathing to activate further sensations.
Recommended Technique for how to reach vaginal orgasm: Lube up a sex toy or your fingers, folding your hand over your public bone, and insert a finger using a “come hither” motion towards your belly button. A fabulous, flexible vibrator for the G-Spot is The Perfect Match, allowing you to stimulate your clitoris and G-spot at the same time for the potential of a blended orgasm.
Anal Orgasm: Since the clitoris extends inside the body to the anus, moving further inside the anus triggers the same nerves that respond to stimulation in the inner vagina and cervix, which can create an extremely pleasurable throbbing sensation. Yes, anal stimulation has the power to initiate a powerful orgasm.
Recommended technique for how to reach anal orgasm: First things first… Housekeeping... to feel comfy with anal play, first take care of your cleanliness by emptying your bowls and giving your anus a light wash with soap and water. Finally, ensure you are emptied out by inserting your finger a few inches inside. I admit, this is always my number one fear, but take care of this, and it will be much easier to relax and enjoy it. You will have to enter the right headspace by guiding yourself to becoming alluringly aroused. You may need to incorporate additional stimulation of the clitoris, nipples, or g-spot (feel free to integrate a vibrator for these parts). Do not focus all your attention on orgasm, but rather on pleasure- and your orgasm will follow.
Bonus: Butt plugs are a super fun way to prepare for this sensational experience. Relax and listen to your body. Maintain a high state of pleasure as you explore.
“Wet Dream” Orgasm: I’ll just touch on this briefly, but if you have not experienced a “wet dream” before, they are real. These “nocturnal orgasms” or “wet dreams” occur during REM phases of sleep. They are erotic and can provide a charmingly exciting way to wake up without need for protection. If you find yourself in the throng of a steamy dream, don’t try to wake up! Stay and explore the sensation and you could be rewarded with an incredible orgasm.
Recommended Technique for how to reach wet dream orgasm: If you have ever dabbled with lucid dreaming or have a high level of sexual excitement, find ways to trigger your dreams by your thoughts before bedtime. You never know, but you may be awakened by your own climax.
Tantric Orgasm or “come without touching yourself”: Seeking out a more spiritually ecstatic and intense connection? Interested in sustaining a high level of orgasmic pleasure for exceedingly generous amounts of time? Formed from the ancient Indian spiritual tradition of sexual practices, tantric sex is yet another way to achieve orgasm.
Certainly not as common in mainstream sexuality conversations as the others, this practice provides a completely different approach to orgasm- one that focuses less on the goal of an orgasm, and more on sustained pleasure throughout the whole experience. This elevates the entire practice, potentially leading to an orgasm without even physically stimulating your pleasure parts. Although tantric sex can be practiced alone by incorporating breath, rituals, and mind exercises, it is also extremely powerful for connecting more deeply with a partner.
Recommended technique for tantric orgasm: Connect with your partner through breathing deeply together, maintaining eye contact, and gentle and intoxicatingly sensual touch that serves as foreplay. This has the potential to lead to high arousal in both parties for an extended period. This is no longer about achieving the big “O” as the objective, but rather remaining in a pre-orgasmic state of connection and pleasure, which has the - exhilarating capacity to spread lengthy orgasmic sensations throughout your experience. (Remember you can also create this experience alone! Be on the lookout, we will be providing you a solo tantric guide soon).
So, how do you pave the pathway to multi-dimensional orgasmic experiences? Here are a few closing points for you:
1. This is very, very important so I’m saying it twice: orgasms don’t happen by physical stimulation alone. The majority of the orgasm occurs in the mind. If you struggle with stress, demoralizing sexual messages, fear, anxiety, guilt, expectation, or boredom, you could be obstructing your orgasm potential; clear yourself of these, especially fear and anxiety.
2. Achieve orgasms alone first to become the expert on what feels best for you.
3. Find the right headspace. Decide your story or what your mind will grip on to; fantasies have the ability to be erotically stimulating. Choose yours.
That’s it for now. :) Cheers to seizing complete control of expanding the depth and height of your orgasmic experiences.
Written by Grace Ho
“Cliteracy” 101.
Unraveling the Mystery of the Clitoris
Written by Grace Ho
Lest you be fooled, the small pea-sized “glans” (the rounded part forming the end of the clitoris) is only the tip of this wishbone-shaped symbol of goodness, the epicenter of female pleasure. Yes, the clit’s one and only purpose is to deliver dopamine packed, out-of-this-universe pleasure.
That is, if only you learn to speak her tongue. 😉
For this short introduction to the clitoris, I’ll share the basic facts, as well as unleash the tips and tricks to enchanting this mysterious pleasure part, sending you home with the best kind of homework – better known as home-play.
Facts first.In order to get down to the juicy tidbits of pleasuring, you first need to understand the structure of the clit and its layout within the body.
The entire clitoris is shaped as an upside-down V, or wishbone, extending down from the tip of the pea-shaped glans down along both sides of the vaginal canal.
Both the pea shaped tip of the clit as well as the wishbone ends inside the vaginal canal are covered in pleasure-sensitive nerve bundles. In fact, the entire clitoris is linked with double the amount of sensory nerve endings as a penis!
In all, around 8,000 super-powered sensory nerves work together to send messages to the brain, releasing the pleasure chemical, dopamine, into your body.
When the clitoris is stimulated, the body increases blood flow to the area. This causes the clit to become more erect, doubling or even tripling in thickness, making it more available for stimulations, but also highlysensitive. While aroused, the clitoris engorges continuously, allowing for multiple orgasms. Lucky lady!
Four Steps to Personal “Cliteracy”Not every woman is aware of the powers of pleasure that exist for her… but with a body part dedicated purely to pleasure, it’s worth experimenting to experience the benefits of clitoral pleasure and hone in on this physical power.
First, a few benefits of clitoral pleasure:
1. Book some one-on-one time with yourself to explore your own clit (unless you aren’t endowed, and then explore an agreeable partner). Just like anything, practice makes perfect. Light candles if you’re feeling romantic, or flashy party lights, whatever sets the mood.
2. Explore with your fingers first, everyone is different so take time in discovery – be curious! You honestly can’t spend too much time learning the various unique sensations that line the clitoris. Use your fingers to identify different motions and touchpoints to see how your body responds. A few techniques to experiment with:
4. Once you’ve done your due diligence and enjoyed yourself tremendously with your fingers, becoming well acquainted with all the varying sensations, invite a toy in and give those nerve endings something to “oooo” and “ahhh” over.
There are sex toy and vibrators designed specifically for clitoral pleasure. You can learn more about these here.
Needless to say, whether you’re the partner, or whether you’d like to share your pleasure time and clit with a partner, Cliteracy-- knowing your body first and foremost - is key to next level “sweet vibing’” pleasure.
Mind & Clit at Play TogetherFollow the 4-step process, add in more steps, or make up your own path, whatever it be, to get the physical experimenting underway. As you continue to learn what feels best for your clitoris, you’ll reach different levels of pleasure depending not just on the physical sensations that occur doing your home-play, but from the mental aspect of pleasure as well. Indeed, there’s a bit more to the art of unraveling the mystery of the clit than just physical touch.
Consider this-
Psyche or Physical?It certainly takes two to tango, and your state of mind, or psyche, also plays a large role in activating the pleasure of the clit. Physical touch and what captivates your mind work together to unleash the full potential of the clitoris.
There are a few techniques that can quickly conquer your psyche, and allow you to access your pleasure state as you explore the clitoris:
Unraveling the Mystery of the Clitoris
Written by Grace Ho
Lest you be fooled, the small pea-sized “glans” (the rounded part forming the end of the clitoris) is only the tip of this wishbone-shaped symbol of goodness, the epicenter of female pleasure. Yes, the clit’s one and only purpose is to deliver dopamine packed, out-of-this-universe pleasure.
That is, if only you learn to speak her tongue. 😉
For this short introduction to the clitoris, I’ll share the basic facts, as well as unleash the tips and tricks to enchanting this mysterious pleasure part, sending you home with the best kind of homework – better known as home-play.
Facts first.In order to get down to the juicy tidbits of pleasuring, you first need to understand the structure of the clit and its layout within the body.
The entire clitoris is shaped as an upside-down V, or wishbone, extending down from the tip of the pea-shaped glans down along both sides of the vaginal canal.
Both the pea shaped tip of the clit as well as the wishbone ends inside the vaginal canal are covered in pleasure-sensitive nerve bundles. In fact, the entire clitoris is linked with double the amount of sensory nerve endings as a penis!
In all, around 8,000 super-powered sensory nerves work together to send messages to the brain, releasing the pleasure chemical, dopamine, into your body.
When the clitoris is stimulated, the body increases blood flow to the area. This causes the clit to become more erect, doubling or even tripling in thickness, making it more available for stimulations, but also highlysensitive. While aroused, the clitoris engorges continuously, allowing for multiple orgasms. Lucky lady!
Four Steps to Personal “Cliteracy”Not every woman is aware of the powers of pleasure that exist for her… but with a body part dedicated purely to pleasure, it’s worth experimenting to experience the benefits of clitoral pleasure and hone in on this physical power.
First, a few benefits of clitoral pleasure:
- Stress relief
- Relaxation
- Connection
- Out of body experience
- A sense of happiness
- Orgasm
1. Book some one-on-one time with yourself to explore your own clit (unless you aren’t endowed, and then explore an agreeable partner). Just like anything, practice makes perfect. Light candles if you’re feeling romantic, or flashy party lights, whatever sets the mood.
2. Explore with your fingers first, everyone is different so take time in discovery – be curious! You honestly can’t spend too much time learning the various unique sensations that line the clitoris. Use your fingers to identify different motions and touchpoints to see how your body responds. A few techniques to experiment with:
- Up and down motion
- Circular motion
- Tapping
- Brushing over the clit
- Rhythmic motion, lighter and harsher
- Running your fingers alongside, and down the V wishbone
4. Once you’ve done your due diligence and enjoyed yourself tremendously with your fingers, becoming well acquainted with all the varying sensations, invite a toy in and give those nerve endings something to “oooo” and “ahhh” over.
There are sex toy and vibrators designed specifically for clitoral pleasure. You can learn more about these here.
Needless to say, whether you’re the partner, or whether you’d like to share your pleasure time and clit with a partner, Cliteracy-- knowing your body first and foremost - is key to next level “sweet vibing’” pleasure.
Mind & Clit at Play TogetherFollow the 4-step process, add in more steps, or make up your own path, whatever it be, to get the physical experimenting underway. As you continue to learn what feels best for your clitoris, you’ll reach different levels of pleasure depending not just on the physical sensations that occur doing your home-play, but from the mental aspect of pleasure as well. Indeed, there’s a bit more to the art of unraveling the mystery of the clit than just physical touch.
Consider this-
Psyche or Physical?It certainly takes two to tango, and your state of mind, or psyche, also plays a large role in activating the pleasure of the clit. Physical touch and what captivates your mind work together to unleash the full potential of the clitoris.
There are a few techniques that can quickly conquer your psyche, and allow you to access your pleasure state as you explore the clitoris:
- Set your mind up for successful pleasuring by taking a deep breath: inhale, belly full, and exhale, in long, deep strides. Do this a few times until you feel your head is light and airy. This helps you relax and get in tune with your body and sensations will escalate for you in this state.
- Take a moment to be grateful for you being you. Love yourself. All of your beautiful body and spirit. Even say to yourself, “I love you”. We normally only think of saying it to other people, but it can be just as powerful when you say it to yourself.
- Close your eyes and capture this moment. Clear your mind. Prepare for fun and exploration.
- Recognize or seek out the emotions that arise when stimulating varying parts of the clitoris and surrounding areas.
An oral sex refresher course for the guys wanting to go down....
By Anka RadakovichSex columnist Anka Radakovich explains how to give your partner great oral sex and have her coming back for more
Recent studies have shown that only 33% of women have an orgasm through intercourse alone, which means we need your help. What do women really want?
As a single, hetero woman, I have been with men who ranged from the one who had no idea what he doing downtown to another who was so skilled that I put a framed photo of his tongue on my desk. So what’s the secret? With just a few simple techniques, you can easily become a cunning linguist.
The warm up before you even start, giving a woman an orgasm comes down to one thing; the clitoris. It just wants to be rubbed. Orgasms are not going to magically happen through thrusting penetration alone. Women just need a longer warm-up. It seems that while women are trying to have an orgasm, men are trying not to.
Most women need the “happy button” to be rubbed, touched, and kissed. Start by kissing her and telling her how hot she is. Then head for the breasts. For some women, the nipples are directly wired to the clitoris. Once you’ve gone south, locate the clitoris so you can get to work. (It’s the tiny pink pencil eraser-like thing on top of her lady business that doesn’t kiss back, but really likes you.)
Since every woman is different, it helps to have an inventory or cunnilingus techniques to try. Start by gently rubbing her; this can be done over her knickers or stockings, or using a bit of lube which feels amazing.
The strokes every woman likes a slightly different touch to induce orgasms. There are a few basic strokes, like in tennis. You can start with your fingers then move to using your tongue. Most women like to be rubbed or licked in an “up and down” motion. Start licking her with a light touch with her lips together (like a sandwich) then move to more of a medium pressure. Many women like an “indirect” touch, accomplished by rubbing the skin above the “hood” of the “happy button”, which sits right on top of the clitoris, so you don’t have to Google Map it.
A popular move women like is the “circular” motion that circles around the clitoris with your tongue. Start with a feathery, light touch. If you want to build up the momentum, switch the motions between a more and a less intense touch. There is also the “side-to-side” lick where you use your tongue horizontally, which works, as well as inserting a finger or two once you see that she is getting aroused and her breathing seems heavier.
Marcus London, a porn star turned director, claims his “Spiderman” technique “gives a woman an orgasm by stimulating the clitoris along with inserting two fingers” into the spider cave. His “circle” technique “goes ‘round and ‘round, adding a little bit of speed and force.” And his “omega” technique involves two fingers in the anus with a “come-hither” movement that hits the woman’s G-spot, which is located on the upper, inside wall of the woman’s vagina. He says that although this move is easy to do, you need to practice, since it’s hard enough locating the clitoris.
The big O: So how do you know how long to do it, whether she is ready to have an orgasm, or whether you should stop or keep going? Keep your tongue moving to build up the sexual tension and momentum. Establish a rhythm and tell her gently to take a few deep breaths.
It’s a Tantric Sex technique that works wonders at any point by relaxing her and facilitating her orgasm. Use your tongue at this point in one, long up and down motion. Repeat. Signs of escalating excitement including deeper breathing, moaning, grunting, or threatening to commit suicide if you stop. Keep going until her body tenses up and she gets “orgasm face.”
Amazing oral sex positions: Some positions are better than others, and pretty much have to do with access to the area you’re working with. One fun way to the “pleasure palace” is for her to get on all fours so you can lick from behind. And the view is not bad. Or you can be lazy and just lie below her on the bed while she is spread eagle with her knees bent. A new position you may want to try is her standing while you are on your knees. (Sit on a pillow or cushion so you can walk afterwards). I road tested this one and can say it was erotic having my lady right above his face while he was going down on me, which was actually “going up.”
THE 10 SEXIEST THINGS YOU CAN SAY TO A NAKED WOMAN
If there’s one thing hotter than perfectly executed dirty talk, it’s perfectly executed dirty talk during sex. Seriously--a lot of people underestimate the power of a few naughty words in the throes of passion.
But in all honesty, some words are more effective than others, and it's important to know which words are really going to make her go crazy for you. “Words that help her feel wanted, desired, and sexy are going to usually universally trigger women,” says Jaiya, a sex educator and author of Cuffed, Tied, and Satisfied: A Kinky Guide to the Best Sex Ever.
That said, here are 10 of the sexiest words to say to a naked woman, as compiled by our friends at Men's Health, for some of the hottest sex you'll ever have.
1. "YES" “We’re attracted to men who are certain and decisive,” says DeAnna Lorraine, a Los Angeles-based dating coach. “When a man speaks like that—‘yes’ or ‘absolutely’—it shows that certainty.”
“If she lets out a moan and you say, ‘yes,’ it gives her permission to go even deeper into her pleasure,” she adds. “It helps her let go.”
2. HER NAME “Female pleasure is narcissistic,” Jaiya says. “Hearing her name makes her feel special. It’s about her, like, you’re the irresistible one. You’re the one with the magic hoo-hoo. It’s not about someone random.”
Just make sure you say the right name, or else you'll have one very unhappy woman on your hands.
3. “LOVE” You don't have to say "I love you" if you don't love her, but telling her you love her body, or you love touching her, will get her really hot and bothered.
“The connotation of ‘love’ is intense and special,” says Arlene Goldman, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Philadelphia and author of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy. “’I like the way you look’ is lukewarm, but ‘I love the way you look’ sounds very positive and passionate.”
4. "TIGHT" Obviously, this word refers to her naughty bits, and is a very powerful word to use in bed because “every woman wants to feel like she’s virgin-esque to her man,” Lorraine explains. “It’s assurance that she’s making her man feel good and he’s aroused.”
Bonus tip: “Actually describe to her how good she feels inside."
5. “WET” When you're turned on, there's no hiding your boner. It's very obvious when a dude is hot in the pants. But it's pretty hard to tell when she's turned on, which is why you should tell her how wet she is.
“That’s a very intimate thing—you’re both in on the secret, that she’s turned on by you,” Lorraine says.
You don't even need to wait until she's actually wet, because “the brain sometimes doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what isn’t,” Jaiya explains. “When you tell a woman, ‘You’re getting so wet,’ her body will respond.”
6. “YOU” If you only say "I'm really turned on," it's very generic and doesn't say anything about how she turns you on. That's why Goldman suggests saying "You really turn me on" -- it emphasizes the woman.
“She wants to know that there’s something about her that is arousing to you,” Goldman explains. Or, as Jaiya puts it, “Tell her how she’s affecting you. That lets a woman know she is desired.”
7. “COCK” According to Jaiya, women are aroused by the word "cock," and not by the words "penis," "prick," or "dick."
“Dick is more derogatory, like, ‘He’s a dick,’ or it’s a joke word,” she says. “But cock is very strong and masculine.”
8. “HOT POCKET” For some inexplicable reason, women are apparently turned on by the term "hot pocket." Why? I don't know. I really, really don't know. And frankly, I'm not sure if I agree with this.
“If your woman has a sense of humor, don’t be afraid of funny words," Jaiya says, encouraging all you dudes out there to casually call your girlfriend's vagina a hot pocket.
I, however, would advise strict caution when using that word in bed, because not all women will find it sexy when you call her vagina a hot pocket.
9. “NEED” Fun fact: Women love feeling desired, and they love it when you show her how much you want her. “We want to know you’re going crazy for us,” Lorraine says.
That said, start telling her how much you need her. Say something like "I need you so bad," and watch in amazement at how fast her panties drop.
10. “COME” Here are some words of wisdom coming from a woman: There are few things hotter than when a man says "Come for me" during sex. Speaking from experience here.
And according to a recent study published in the journal Sexuality & Culture, "come" is the only word in the English language that "simultaneously conveys desire, pleasure, orgasm, and loss of control."
Play with orgasm control, like ‘You’re not allowed to come,’” Jaiya suggests. “Playing with that word within a power dynamic can be really hot.”
These women say great sex boils down to these 5 things
What's the difference between average sex and good sex? These three woman say it's mostly a mental game.
How you feel about your body makes a big difference when it comes to allowing yourself to be vulnerable with sexual partners.
By Julie Compton
At 30 years old, Olive Persimmon had only had sex with two people less than 10 times in her life.
“I didn’t want to be that person anymore,” Persimmon tells NBC News BETTER. “I wanted to be in a relationship, I wanted to find love, I wanted to have good sex.”
She says the lack of intimacy made her determined to become a great lover, but it turned out to not quite be what she expected.
Great sex is about letting go of control
When Persimmon eventually had sex again, all she could think was: “Am I doing this right? Does my body look sexy in this position? What was that weird noise we just made?”
Olive Persimmon, comedian and author of "Unintentionally Celibate" Jon Louie“ I was so very much in my head and judging myself, and judging my partner and trying to figure out what the heck was going on, Persimmon recalls.
The problem, she says, was she believed being a great lover was about knowing all the “tips, tricks, and positions,” but she realizes now it’s about a lot more.
Great sex is a sensual experience
It’s common for people to see sex as a performance — something they need to get just right, rather than as a sensual experience, according to Sarah Byrden, a sex educator and speaker.
“Pleasure’s not a mechanical thing,” Byrden says. “Pleasure has to include things like communication and relaxation, trust, eye contact… sort of relating [to each other], and tuning into something more personal than what we’re supposed to be doing.”
Many couples are fixated on orgasm — both their own and their partner’s — as an end point, Byrden says. She says orgasm is important, but we shouldn’t be overly focused on it.
Sarah Byrden is a sex educator for adults and college students Miki Fire “I want to deconstruct orgasms as a single event that we’re working toward and open it more up to a context of orgasmic pleasure rather than this one goal,” she says.
Instead of focusing on sex as a performance, Bryden recommends looking at it as playful.
“How turned on can you get without moving straight to the genitals?” she asks. “Can you explore together in a way where you are highly aroused?”
SEX TIPS
How to tune up your sex life: Great sex is about connection
Determined to turn her situation around, Persimmon set out on a journey for sexual self discovery, which she chronicles in her laugh-out-loud book “The Coitus Chronicles: My Quest for Sex, Love, and Orgasms.”
From BDSM classes, to orgasmic mediation sessions, she found out a lot about herself.
What she learned, she says, was that she had a lot of shame around sex, and a huge fear of intimacy that caused her to avoid it.
“I like to be in control, I was kind of a control freak, and I didn’t know how to give up control when it came to sex and dating,” she recalls.
After having sex with her ex-boyfriend that first time, Persimmon talked to him about her insecurities. She says it required her to open herself up to vulnerability, which she’d never done before.
“If you’re in your head and you’re not connecting with your partner, even the right moves are not going to allow your body to relax, and you’re going to experience the most pleasure when your body is relaxed,” she says.
The relationship lasted only a few months, says Persimmon, who recently got out of another, longer term relationship. She says the relationships taught her a lot about the importance of vulnerability and communication.
“It’s a constant battle for me to be more vulnerable, but I’m definitely doing it more than I used to and I think the easiest way to be more vulnerable is through honest communication,” she says.
Your brain wants you to have sex. Here's how that works.
Great sex is about loving your own body
How you feel about your body makes a big difference when it comes to allowing yourself to be vulnerable with sexual partners, according to Emily Nagoski, PhD, a sex educator and author of the best-selling book “Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life”.
If you struggle with body confidence, Nagoski recommends an exercise by Drs. Eric Stice and Carolyn Becker called “The Body Project.”
Emily Nagoski is a sex educator and a best-selling author.Jon CrispinEvery day, stand in front of a mirror naked, or as close to naked as you can tolerate, she instructs, and write down everything you like about what you see.
“If it is your eyebrows, write that down,” says Nagoski. “If it is your wrists, write that down. If it is the spirit in your eyes, write that down.”
It may be strange at first, but over time, it will help you notice all the beautiful things about your body.
“What happens is you teach your brain to notice how beautiful your body already is, which helps to immunize you against all the cultural messages that tell you your body is supposed to be different,” Nagoski says.
Great sex is about exploring new things (a “yes, no, maybe” list can help
Do you want to try new sexual experiences with your partner, but don’t know how to tell them? Maybe you’re afraid they’ll judge you, or it’s just too awkward. If that’s the case, Persimmon recommends this “Yes, No, Maybe” list.
The list contains bedroom activities you might be interested in trying together. Both you and your partner will check what you are definitely willing to try, what you might be willing to try, and anything you definitely are not willing to try. When you’re done filling it out, you can exchange lists and see what you are both interested in.
The list will allow you to explore new possibilities together while maintaining boundaries.
“It’s a starting point for a conversation,” says Persimmon.
How you feel about your body makes a big difference when it comes to allowing yourself to be vulnerable with sexual partners.
By Julie Compton
At 30 years old, Olive Persimmon had only had sex with two people less than 10 times in her life.
“I didn’t want to be that person anymore,” Persimmon tells NBC News BETTER. “I wanted to be in a relationship, I wanted to find love, I wanted to have good sex.”
She says the lack of intimacy made her determined to become a great lover, but it turned out to not quite be what she expected.
Great sex is about letting go of control
When Persimmon eventually had sex again, all she could think was: “Am I doing this right? Does my body look sexy in this position? What was that weird noise we just made?”
Olive Persimmon, comedian and author of "Unintentionally Celibate" Jon Louie“ I was so very much in my head and judging myself, and judging my partner and trying to figure out what the heck was going on, Persimmon recalls.
The problem, she says, was she believed being a great lover was about knowing all the “tips, tricks, and positions,” but she realizes now it’s about a lot more.
Great sex is a sensual experience
It’s common for people to see sex as a performance — something they need to get just right, rather than as a sensual experience, according to Sarah Byrden, a sex educator and speaker.
“Pleasure’s not a mechanical thing,” Byrden says. “Pleasure has to include things like communication and relaxation, trust, eye contact… sort of relating [to each other], and tuning into something more personal than what we’re supposed to be doing.”
Many couples are fixated on orgasm — both their own and their partner’s — as an end point, Byrden says. She says orgasm is important, but we shouldn’t be overly focused on it.
Sarah Byrden is a sex educator for adults and college students Miki Fire “I want to deconstruct orgasms as a single event that we’re working toward and open it more up to a context of orgasmic pleasure rather than this one goal,” she says.
Instead of focusing on sex as a performance, Bryden recommends looking at it as playful.
“How turned on can you get without moving straight to the genitals?” she asks. “Can you explore together in a way where you are highly aroused?”
SEX TIPS
How to tune up your sex life: Great sex is about connection
Determined to turn her situation around, Persimmon set out on a journey for sexual self discovery, which she chronicles in her laugh-out-loud book “The Coitus Chronicles: My Quest for Sex, Love, and Orgasms.”
From BDSM classes, to orgasmic mediation sessions, she found out a lot about herself.
What she learned, she says, was that she had a lot of shame around sex, and a huge fear of intimacy that caused her to avoid it.
“I like to be in control, I was kind of a control freak, and I didn’t know how to give up control when it came to sex and dating,” she recalls.
After having sex with her ex-boyfriend that first time, Persimmon talked to him about her insecurities. She says it required her to open herself up to vulnerability, which she’d never done before.
“If you’re in your head and you’re not connecting with your partner, even the right moves are not going to allow your body to relax, and you’re going to experience the most pleasure when your body is relaxed,” she says.
The relationship lasted only a few months, says Persimmon, who recently got out of another, longer term relationship. She says the relationships taught her a lot about the importance of vulnerability and communication.
“It’s a constant battle for me to be more vulnerable, but I’m definitely doing it more than I used to and I think the easiest way to be more vulnerable is through honest communication,” she says.
Your brain wants you to have sex. Here's how that works.
Great sex is about loving your own body
How you feel about your body makes a big difference when it comes to allowing yourself to be vulnerable with sexual partners, according to Emily Nagoski, PhD, a sex educator and author of the best-selling book “Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life”.
If you struggle with body confidence, Nagoski recommends an exercise by Drs. Eric Stice and Carolyn Becker called “The Body Project.”
Emily Nagoski is a sex educator and a best-selling author.Jon CrispinEvery day, stand in front of a mirror naked, or as close to naked as you can tolerate, she instructs, and write down everything you like about what you see.
“If it is your eyebrows, write that down,” says Nagoski. “If it is your wrists, write that down. If it is the spirit in your eyes, write that down.”
It may be strange at first, but over time, it will help you notice all the beautiful things about your body.
“What happens is you teach your brain to notice how beautiful your body already is, which helps to immunize you against all the cultural messages that tell you your body is supposed to be different,” Nagoski says.
Great sex is about exploring new things (a “yes, no, maybe” list can help
Do you want to try new sexual experiences with your partner, but don’t know how to tell them? Maybe you’re afraid they’ll judge you, or it’s just too awkward. If that’s the case, Persimmon recommends this “Yes, No, Maybe” list.
The list contains bedroom activities you might be interested in trying together. Both you and your partner will check what you are definitely willing to try, what you might be willing to try, and anything you definitely are not willing to try. When you’re done filling it out, you can exchange lists and see what you are both interested in.
The list will allow you to explore new possibilities together while maintaining boundaries.
“It’s a starting point for a conversation,” says Persimmon.
How to Achieve Multiple Orgasms for Males
The process of learning to have multiple orgasms for men is partly a matter of unlearning beliefs about orgasms and sexual response. Because sexual response and orgasm tend to come easily for men, they rarely explore other options (sort of an "if it ain’t broke don’t fix it" model). But there are plenty of reasons to check out what’s under the hood, even if the engine is just fine. The key is to understand that orgasm and ejaculation are two separate experiences for men.
Here's how:
Breathing
If you haven’t already learned about using breathing to expand sexual awareness, you may want to brush up on the importance of breathing for sexual exploration. For the exercises below you should be breathing deeply and focus on how your breathing changes as you go through sexual response, get turned on, build your sexual excitement, and experience climax, orgasm, and ejaculation.
Your PC Muscle
Your PC muscle is what you use to stop the flow of urine when you pee. Your PC muscle is also involved in the experience of orgasm and learning to consciously use it helps in developing multi-orgasmic capacity. Start by finding your PC muscle, and make sure you know what it feels like to squeeze and release it. One way to do this is to learn about kegel exercises which involve squeezing and releasing your muscles.
Notice Your "Point of No Return"
This is the moment during sexual excitement after which ejaculation is inevitable.
The best way to identify this is to masturbate and pay close attention just as you are about to ejaculate. Just prior to ejaculating you may notice a tingling feeling, which is the sign that you are about to hit your point of no return. Knowing what this feels like will help you know when to pull back from an orgasm. Identifying this point is also important in learning to control ejaculation.
Before You Learn Something New, Take Some Time to Understand Your Baseline
The work here is simple and fun: pleasure yourself (masturbate) as you would regularly, and pay close attention. What things do you do to get turned on? What happens to your body and your breathing as you become even more stimulated? What does it feel like just before an orgasm? Just before you ejaculate?What happens to your body after orgasm?
Practice When Alone
Learning to distinguish your orgasm from ejaculation takes time and a keen attention. Don’t do these exercises when you have to rush off to work or make dinner for your family. I would also recommend doing these exercises alone at first. If you have someone else there, part of your attention will be on them.
Relax and Tune Into Your Body
This process is all about awareness. As you begin the exercise get relaxed, you may want to get naked also and try to tune into how your body feels in the moment. Run your hands up and down your body, and really feel your body. You can touch your genitals and any other part of your body that turns you on but don’t start masturbating right away.
Masturbate Slowly
Now you can masturbate however you like to, but pay attention to the energy in your body.Don’t bring yourself to orgasm or ejaculate yet.
Are some parts of your body much warmer than others? Does the warm energy move up (or down) your body, or stay in one place? As you get closer to a climax how does the energy in your body change?
Start and Stop Your Stimulation
If you feel yourself reaching the point of no return stop the stimulation and take some deep breaths. Once you’ve pulled back from the point you can begin to stimulate yourself again. Do this at least twice. Do this to get a more detailed sense of what your point of no return is like, and discover how you can control when you cross that point.
Use Your PC Muscle to Pull Back
As you feel yourself coming closer to climax stop the stimulation as you have in the past, but this time squeeze your PC muscle and hold it for a few seconds. Notice how this feels. This is the technique you can use to prevent yourself from ejaculating and create the opportunity to have several orgasms in a row.
Use Your Breath to Increase Orgasmic Energy Flow
Having multiple orgasms is not just about using your PC muscle, it’s also about allowing the energy that usually flows out of you at the point of orgasm, to flow elsewhere in your body. When you’re nearing the point of orgasm, notice the build-up of energy (sometimes this feels like heat) in the lower part of your body, and begin to do deep breathing while visualizing the energy moving up towards your chest and head.
Let Yourself Go, See Where It Takes You
The final stage of this exercise is to let yourself have an orgasm while using the techniques learned above including breath, awareness, and squeezing your PC muscle. The first time you try this, let yourself orgasm, but squeeze your PC muscle just as you feel yourself going "over the top". It might not work the first time, but the worst that happens is that you’ve had an orgasm and you have to try again.
Orgasm Without Ejaculating
As you practice the last step above, you may find that you can get to the point of no return, pass it, and experience a tingly orgasm without ejaculating. Don’t expect the orgasm to feel the same as an orgasm you have with ejaculating. Non-ejaculatory orgasms feel different, but they can be very pleasurable.
Final Tips
The above steps are a very brief version of techniques that men have practiced for thousands of years.
Male multiple orgasms are associated with elements of spiritual sexuality. Certainly doing this work involves playing with your body’s energy. If the spiritual part isn’t for you, don’t feel pressured to follow it. Based on your brain alone, your body is an amazing thing capable of experience intense and infinite pleasure. If you prefer to see this as a science experiment go for it!
The above instructions were written for men to practice alone. But these exercises can be easily adapted for use with partners (and are great for anyone who has sex with men to know about).
For more information on Mantak Chia, the author of The Multi-Orgasmic Male, visit his organization, Universal Tao.
Here's how:
Breathing
If you haven’t already learned about using breathing to expand sexual awareness, you may want to brush up on the importance of breathing for sexual exploration. For the exercises below you should be breathing deeply and focus on how your breathing changes as you go through sexual response, get turned on, build your sexual excitement, and experience climax, orgasm, and ejaculation.
Your PC Muscle
Your PC muscle is what you use to stop the flow of urine when you pee. Your PC muscle is also involved in the experience of orgasm and learning to consciously use it helps in developing multi-orgasmic capacity. Start by finding your PC muscle, and make sure you know what it feels like to squeeze and release it. One way to do this is to learn about kegel exercises which involve squeezing and releasing your muscles.
Notice Your "Point of No Return"
This is the moment during sexual excitement after which ejaculation is inevitable.
The best way to identify this is to masturbate and pay close attention just as you are about to ejaculate. Just prior to ejaculating you may notice a tingling feeling, which is the sign that you are about to hit your point of no return. Knowing what this feels like will help you know when to pull back from an orgasm. Identifying this point is also important in learning to control ejaculation.
Before You Learn Something New, Take Some Time to Understand Your Baseline
The work here is simple and fun: pleasure yourself (masturbate) as you would regularly, and pay close attention. What things do you do to get turned on? What happens to your body and your breathing as you become even more stimulated? What does it feel like just before an orgasm? Just before you ejaculate?What happens to your body after orgasm?
Practice When Alone
Learning to distinguish your orgasm from ejaculation takes time and a keen attention. Don’t do these exercises when you have to rush off to work or make dinner for your family. I would also recommend doing these exercises alone at first. If you have someone else there, part of your attention will be on them.
Relax and Tune Into Your Body
This process is all about awareness. As you begin the exercise get relaxed, you may want to get naked also and try to tune into how your body feels in the moment. Run your hands up and down your body, and really feel your body. You can touch your genitals and any other part of your body that turns you on but don’t start masturbating right away.
Masturbate Slowly
Now you can masturbate however you like to, but pay attention to the energy in your body.Don’t bring yourself to orgasm or ejaculate yet.
Are some parts of your body much warmer than others? Does the warm energy move up (or down) your body, or stay in one place? As you get closer to a climax how does the energy in your body change?
Start and Stop Your Stimulation
If you feel yourself reaching the point of no return stop the stimulation and take some deep breaths. Once you’ve pulled back from the point you can begin to stimulate yourself again. Do this at least twice. Do this to get a more detailed sense of what your point of no return is like, and discover how you can control when you cross that point.
Use Your PC Muscle to Pull Back
As you feel yourself coming closer to climax stop the stimulation as you have in the past, but this time squeeze your PC muscle and hold it for a few seconds. Notice how this feels. This is the technique you can use to prevent yourself from ejaculating and create the opportunity to have several orgasms in a row.
Use Your Breath to Increase Orgasmic Energy Flow
Having multiple orgasms is not just about using your PC muscle, it’s also about allowing the energy that usually flows out of you at the point of orgasm, to flow elsewhere in your body. When you’re nearing the point of orgasm, notice the build-up of energy (sometimes this feels like heat) in the lower part of your body, and begin to do deep breathing while visualizing the energy moving up towards your chest and head.
Let Yourself Go, See Where It Takes You
The final stage of this exercise is to let yourself have an orgasm while using the techniques learned above including breath, awareness, and squeezing your PC muscle. The first time you try this, let yourself orgasm, but squeeze your PC muscle just as you feel yourself going "over the top". It might not work the first time, but the worst that happens is that you’ve had an orgasm and you have to try again.
Orgasm Without Ejaculating
As you practice the last step above, you may find that you can get to the point of no return, pass it, and experience a tingly orgasm without ejaculating. Don’t expect the orgasm to feel the same as an orgasm you have with ejaculating. Non-ejaculatory orgasms feel different, but they can be very pleasurable.
Final Tips
The above steps are a very brief version of techniques that men have practiced for thousands of years.
Male multiple orgasms are associated with elements of spiritual sexuality. Certainly doing this work involves playing with your body’s energy. If the spiritual part isn’t for you, don’t feel pressured to follow it. Based on your brain alone, your body is an amazing thing capable of experience intense and infinite pleasure. If you prefer to see this as a science experiment go for it!
The above instructions were written for men to practice alone. But these exercises can be easily adapted for use with partners (and are great for anyone who has sex with men to know about).
For more information on Mantak Chia, the author of The Multi-Orgasmic Male, visit his organization, Universal Tao.
Benefits of Masturbation
Surprisingly little research attention has been paid to the specific effects of masturbation. The history of masturbation is littered with moral condemnation and scientific inaccuracies regarding its negative effects but thankfully there finally seems to be medical agreement that masturbation is a healthy form of sexual expression, and one with more positive than negative effects.
Still many of us believe the masturbation myths we are raised with, which makes it worthwhile to learn the truth about the effects of masturbation on the body and the mind.
Know Yourself Better
Sex educators don’t call masturbation the cornerstone of sexual health for nothing. Masturbation is the first, safest, and best way to get to know how your sexual body works. You can learn what turns you on and what doesn’t. You can learn how to give yourself sexual pleasure in a hurry, or when you’ve got nothing but time. As an educational tool, masturbation is better than any textbook, video or website you’ll ever read (that includes this one!).
Discover New Things Thoughts, Feelings, Responses
Even if you know how to get the job done, masturbatorally speaking, your capacity to feel sexual pleasure is limitless and masturbation is a great way to find new functions for familiar parts. Often when we’re having sex with a partner we might be too self-conscious, shy, or otherwise distracted to pay close attention to what’s happening in our own body. Masturbation, when you’re doing it by yourself, allows you to focus on the subtlety of your own sexual response , and possibly discover things you hadn’t previously realized were part of your sexuality.
Nature's Sleep Aid
While thinking about sex might keep you up at night having it, including masturbation, is a great way to deal with insomnia. In a 2000 study of U.S. women, 32% said that in the past three months they masturbated as a way to fall asleep. Whether it’s because of the hormones and endorphins released following orgasm, the benefits of clearing your head, or the mini cardio workout, masturbation that ends in orgasm is a great way to get to sleep without pills, television, or counting sheep.
Pain Relief
Whether you’re experiencing temporary or chronic pain from sore joints, headaches, menstrual cramps, or other causes, masturbation and orgasm can, in some cases, provide natural pain relief. While we don’t know exactly why, research has documented arousal and orgasm resulting in reduced pain thresholds. It’s worth pointing out that for some conditions (like migraine headaches ) orgasm can either reduce the pain or increase it.
Nature's Stress Reliever
Several studies have documented the relaxation effects of masturbation induced orgasm. Aside from the physical benefits, masturbation, when you’re doing it right, is all about “you time” and taking time to focus on yourself is a great way to break up the stress of a busy life. Particularly when used with sexual fantasy, masturbation can be a great escape, a way to let off some steam, and while masturbation alone might not be enough to deal with all the stress in your life, it’s a healthy, free, and non-pharmaceutical tool right at your fingertips (or other body part or sex toy, as the case may be).
Cancer Prevention?
This is nowhere near as clear a correlation but two studies found a link between the number of times a man ejaculates and the likelihood of getting prostate cancer.
The prostate gland produces and stores seminal fluid and the fluid can build up in the prostate if a man goes a long time without ejaculating. This build up isn’t always a problem, but in the studies men who ejaculate more were less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer. Another researcher has proposed a theory that orgasm may offer some protective effect against breast cancer via oxytocin released at orgasm.
Sources:
Cornog, M. The Big Book of Masturbation San Francisco: Down There Press, 2003.
Komisaruk, B., Beyer-Flores, C., and Whipple, B. The Science of Orgasm Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 2006.
Still many of us believe the masturbation myths we are raised with, which makes it worthwhile to learn the truth about the effects of masturbation on the body and the mind.
Know Yourself Better
Sex educators don’t call masturbation the cornerstone of sexual health for nothing. Masturbation is the first, safest, and best way to get to know how your sexual body works. You can learn what turns you on and what doesn’t. You can learn how to give yourself sexual pleasure in a hurry, or when you’ve got nothing but time. As an educational tool, masturbation is better than any textbook, video or website you’ll ever read (that includes this one!).
Discover New Things Thoughts, Feelings, Responses
Even if you know how to get the job done, masturbatorally speaking, your capacity to feel sexual pleasure is limitless and masturbation is a great way to find new functions for familiar parts. Often when we’re having sex with a partner we might be too self-conscious, shy, or otherwise distracted to pay close attention to what’s happening in our own body. Masturbation, when you’re doing it by yourself, allows you to focus on the subtlety of your own sexual response , and possibly discover things you hadn’t previously realized were part of your sexuality.
Nature's Sleep Aid
While thinking about sex might keep you up at night having it, including masturbation, is a great way to deal with insomnia. In a 2000 study of U.S. women, 32% said that in the past three months they masturbated as a way to fall asleep. Whether it’s because of the hormones and endorphins released following orgasm, the benefits of clearing your head, or the mini cardio workout, masturbation that ends in orgasm is a great way to get to sleep without pills, television, or counting sheep.
Pain Relief
Whether you’re experiencing temporary or chronic pain from sore joints, headaches, menstrual cramps, or other causes, masturbation and orgasm can, in some cases, provide natural pain relief. While we don’t know exactly why, research has documented arousal and orgasm resulting in reduced pain thresholds. It’s worth pointing out that for some conditions (like migraine headaches ) orgasm can either reduce the pain or increase it.
Nature's Stress Reliever
Several studies have documented the relaxation effects of masturbation induced orgasm. Aside from the physical benefits, masturbation, when you’re doing it right, is all about “you time” and taking time to focus on yourself is a great way to break up the stress of a busy life. Particularly when used with sexual fantasy, masturbation can be a great escape, a way to let off some steam, and while masturbation alone might not be enough to deal with all the stress in your life, it’s a healthy, free, and non-pharmaceutical tool right at your fingertips (or other body part or sex toy, as the case may be).
Cancer Prevention?
This is nowhere near as clear a correlation but two studies found a link between the number of times a man ejaculates and the likelihood of getting prostate cancer.
The prostate gland produces and stores seminal fluid and the fluid can build up in the prostate if a man goes a long time without ejaculating. This build up isn’t always a problem, but in the studies men who ejaculate more were less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer. Another researcher has proposed a theory that orgasm may offer some protective effect against breast cancer via oxytocin released at orgasm.
Sources:
Cornog, M. The Big Book of Masturbation San Francisco: Down There Press, 2003.
Komisaruk, B., Beyer-Flores, C., and Whipple, B. The Science of Orgasm Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press, 2006.
Psychological Obstacles to Orgasm
If you can’t orgasm and you’ve either ruled out or have addressed any physical problems preventing orgasm, it’s good to think about how your mind may be getting in the way of your orgasms. By “mind,” I’m including all the ways you think and feel as well as any mental health issues you may be living with (either diagnosed or not).
Even though in some circumstances you can have a physical orgasm without any mental desire or sexual interest, most of the time you need to be at least somewhat mentally “there” to have, experience and enjoy an orgasm.
Anything that gets in the way of you being there can get in the way of you having an orgasm. Here are some common psychological barriers to having an orgasm.
Body Image and Self-EsteemIt’s not true that you have to love yourself or your body to have orgasms or enjoy sex but it probably helps. And certainly for some people, negative feelings and thoughts about their bodies or their own self-worth get in the way when they’re trying to relax enough to orgasm. Ironically, having orgasms, particularly on your own terms, can be a powerful learning experience that you are worthy of pleasure and that learning can extend out to other parts of your life.
Sex Negative Feelings and BeliefsMessages that you get growing up, from friends, family, religious figures, and the media can influence your individual experience of sexual pleasure and even orgasm. If you believe that sexual pleasure for its own sake is wrong, or that only bad people are interested in sex, it can be hard to enjoy the pleasure as its happening (although, like most psychological effects, this isn’t true for everyone).
Others may take pleasure from feeling guilty or bad. But if your beliefs or feelings conflict with your desire to have sex, and if that conflict causes you distress, then you may not be able to enjoy the sex even if you let yourself have it. Challenging negative thoughts and feelings isn’t easy and won’t be fixed overnight.
But it is possible with the right support and accurate information.
Orgasm and Mental Health A variety of diagnosable mental health issues are known to get in the way of sexual satisfaction and orgasm. Two well-documented mental health illnesses that impact sexuality and orgasm are depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Other mental health issues including anxiety can get in the way of orgasms. If you think this may be a reason why you aren’t orgasming, seek the support of a mental health professional who can help you figure out what’s getting in the way, and how it might be treated.
Stress It's common for people who aren’t orgasming to complain that their mind "wanders" during sex. Before they know it, they’re thinking about the dozen things they have to do the next day and not about the very enjoyable task at hand. One reason for this lack of focus is too much stress. Stress can prevent orgasms in many ways. If you’re stressed, you may not feel like having sex in the first place. Or you may be okay at the beginning part of sex, but when it comes to orgasm, you aren't "feeling it" enough to have one. Ironically, orgasms can be a great stress reducer. But you need to reduce your stress enough to have them first.
Performance Anxiety/Great Expectations Much has been written about men's experience of performance anxiety. If he’s so worried about being a stud and blowing your mind, he can psyche himself (and his erection) completely out. But women also experience anxiety about their ability to be good sexual partners and that anxiety can prevent them from having an orgasm as well. Basically anything that takes your mind off the task at hand and off what you’re feeling in your body has the potential to get in the way of you having an orgasm. Communicating with a partner is hugely important in reducing these expectations and anxieties.
Being “In a Rut” It’s also possible that nothing is getting in the way of your orgasms other than you being out of orgasm practice. It’s easy for us to get into sexual ruts.
So, if you haven’t had orgasms for some time, you can get used to not having them and not expecting them. If the reasons you weren't having orgasms are then removed, you may still not have orgasms simply because you don’t expect to have them and you experience a kind of reverse performance anxiety. You don’t try to relax or concentrate, or you don’t try to connect with yourself or your partner, because you’re convinced it’s not going to happen anyway.
One way to tackle this is to make some changes in the way you have sex, when you have it, and where you have it. If the only problem is that you’re in a bad habit of not having orgasms, shaking things up a bit can sometimes help.
Even though in some circumstances you can have a physical orgasm without any mental desire or sexual interest, most of the time you need to be at least somewhat mentally “there” to have, experience and enjoy an orgasm.
Anything that gets in the way of you being there can get in the way of you having an orgasm. Here are some common psychological barriers to having an orgasm.
Body Image and Self-EsteemIt’s not true that you have to love yourself or your body to have orgasms or enjoy sex but it probably helps. And certainly for some people, negative feelings and thoughts about their bodies or their own self-worth get in the way when they’re trying to relax enough to orgasm. Ironically, having orgasms, particularly on your own terms, can be a powerful learning experience that you are worthy of pleasure and that learning can extend out to other parts of your life.
Sex Negative Feelings and BeliefsMessages that you get growing up, from friends, family, religious figures, and the media can influence your individual experience of sexual pleasure and even orgasm. If you believe that sexual pleasure for its own sake is wrong, or that only bad people are interested in sex, it can be hard to enjoy the pleasure as its happening (although, like most psychological effects, this isn’t true for everyone).
Others may take pleasure from feeling guilty or bad. But if your beliefs or feelings conflict with your desire to have sex, and if that conflict causes you distress, then you may not be able to enjoy the sex even if you let yourself have it. Challenging negative thoughts and feelings isn’t easy and won’t be fixed overnight.
But it is possible with the right support and accurate information.
Orgasm and Mental Health A variety of diagnosable mental health issues are known to get in the way of sexual satisfaction and orgasm. Two well-documented mental health illnesses that impact sexuality and orgasm are depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. Other mental health issues including anxiety can get in the way of orgasms. If you think this may be a reason why you aren’t orgasming, seek the support of a mental health professional who can help you figure out what’s getting in the way, and how it might be treated.
Stress It's common for people who aren’t orgasming to complain that their mind "wanders" during sex. Before they know it, they’re thinking about the dozen things they have to do the next day and not about the very enjoyable task at hand. One reason for this lack of focus is too much stress. Stress can prevent orgasms in many ways. If you’re stressed, you may not feel like having sex in the first place. Or you may be okay at the beginning part of sex, but when it comes to orgasm, you aren't "feeling it" enough to have one. Ironically, orgasms can be a great stress reducer. But you need to reduce your stress enough to have them first.
Performance Anxiety/Great Expectations Much has been written about men's experience of performance anxiety. If he’s so worried about being a stud and blowing your mind, he can psyche himself (and his erection) completely out. But women also experience anxiety about their ability to be good sexual partners and that anxiety can prevent them from having an orgasm as well. Basically anything that takes your mind off the task at hand and off what you’re feeling in your body has the potential to get in the way of you having an orgasm. Communicating with a partner is hugely important in reducing these expectations and anxieties.
Being “In a Rut” It’s also possible that nothing is getting in the way of your orgasms other than you being out of orgasm practice. It’s easy for us to get into sexual ruts.
So, if you haven’t had orgasms for some time, you can get used to not having them and not expecting them. If the reasons you weren't having orgasms are then removed, you may still not have orgasms simply because you don’t expect to have them and you experience a kind of reverse performance anxiety. You don’t try to relax or concentrate, or you don’t try to connect with yourself or your partner, because you’re convinced it’s not going to happen anyway.
One way to tackle this is to make some changes in the way you have sex, when you have it, and where you have it. If the only problem is that you’re in a bad habit of not having orgasms, shaking things up a bit can sometimes help.
Places she wants you to kiss
Her luscious lips are hard to resist, but she can tire of make-out sessions.
Women like kissing because it is an emotionally intimate act.
So if you want to get closer as a couple, get out of the habit of attacking her mouth and lay romantic lip caresses on her most sensitive areas.
NAPE OF THE NECK
You know she likes you to start at her neck—there’s a certain vulnerability that drives her wild.
Lift her hair if it’s long and kiss and gently nibble the area from the hairline right down to the collar bone. It’s sure to produce goose bumps every time.
SMALL OF THE BACK
This is where all the nerves for the genitals originate, so stimulation of the lower back with massage and kissing and nibbling is a great way to stimulate the area.
It’s also why she loves it when you place your hand on the small of her back when you’re out together—it’s an intimate, sexy gesture that makes a woman feel hot without it seeming out of the ordinary.
FOREHEAD
You may not find a sweeter spot for her emotions than here. What woman doesn’t want to get a loving kiss from a man who loves her brain? It’s a huge self-confidence builder, a soother, and a make-her-legs-weak, strong-man move.
It might not be the thing to do in the bedroom—you’ll want to focus on other areas at that point—but she’ll appreciate when you pull her close and plant one on her head after a long day at work.
FINGERS
Fingertips have a huge concentration of nerve endings, making them sensitive to anything from little pecks to a long suck.
When you suck and lick her fingers, she gets an idea of your oral skills and pictures what it might be like when you lick and suck her more intimate areas.
NIPPLES
Sucking on her nipples releases the hormone oxytocin, called ‘the love hormone,’ because it makes people feel more bonded. The nipples seem to have a hotline to the genitals, and for some women nipple stimulation will send an impulse right to her clitoris.
Don’t forget you can score points by showing some love to the rest of her breast.
EARS
Her ears may be quite sensitive to light licking and sucking because of all the supersensitive nerve endings there. Most women are quite sensitive to auditory stimulation. While you suck her ear be sure to use the opportunity to whisper something about how attracted you are to her and what you’d like to do to her after you finish nibbling her lobes.
You can also try pursing your lips and blowing cool air to counteract the hot breath from your whispers.
CLITORIS
Once you land here, you’ve reached the point of no return. There are over 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris alone, compared to a man’s mere 4,000 in the penis.
Women like kissing because it is an emotionally intimate act.
So if you want to get closer as a couple, get out of the habit of attacking her mouth and lay romantic lip caresses on her most sensitive areas.
NAPE OF THE NECK
You know she likes you to start at her neck—there’s a certain vulnerability that drives her wild.
Lift her hair if it’s long and kiss and gently nibble the area from the hairline right down to the collar bone. It’s sure to produce goose bumps every time.
SMALL OF THE BACK
This is where all the nerves for the genitals originate, so stimulation of the lower back with massage and kissing and nibbling is a great way to stimulate the area.
It’s also why she loves it when you place your hand on the small of her back when you’re out together—it’s an intimate, sexy gesture that makes a woman feel hot without it seeming out of the ordinary.
FOREHEAD
You may not find a sweeter spot for her emotions than here. What woman doesn’t want to get a loving kiss from a man who loves her brain? It’s a huge self-confidence builder, a soother, and a make-her-legs-weak, strong-man move.
It might not be the thing to do in the bedroom—you’ll want to focus on other areas at that point—but she’ll appreciate when you pull her close and plant one on her head after a long day at work.
FINGERS
Fingertips have a huge concentration of nerve endings, making them sensitive to anything from little pecks to a long suck.
When you suck and lick her fingers, she gets an idea of your oral skills and pictures what it might be like when you lick and suck her more intimate areas.
NIPPLES
Sucking on her nipples releases the hormone oxytocin, called ‘the love hormone,’ because it makes people feel more bonded. The nipples seem to have a hotline to the genitals, and for some women nipple stimulation will send an impulse right to her clitoris.
Don’t forget you can score points by showing some love to the rest of her breast.
EARS
Her ears may be quite sensitive to light licking and sucking because of all the supersensitive nerve endings there. Most women are quite sensitive to auditory stimulation. While you suck her ear be sure to use the opportunity to whisper something about how attracted you are to her and what you’d like to do to her after you finish nibbling her lobes.
You can also try pursing your lips and blowing cool air to counteract the hot breath from your whispers.
CLITORIS
Once you land here, you’ve reached the point of no return. There are over 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris alone, compared to a man’s mere 4,000 in the penis.
Cunnilingus... the men's guide to oral sex.
Cunnilingus. Even the word itself seems more complicated than it has to be.
But when it come to stimulating her down there, the numbers don't lie: 30 to 50 percent of women say they cannot reach an orgasm through intercourse alone. And as stated above, there are 8000 nerve endings on the visible nub of the clitoris to navigate (twice as many as the penis).
Luckily, we're here to help, breaking down all the tips, tricks and techniques you need to wow your woman tonight in a simple six-step plan. Consider it your final oral exam.
1. Take the initiative.
Oral sex is not just foreplay anymore, explains Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sexuality counselor and author of She Comes First, "It should be considered core-play." Only about 43 percent of women can climax through penetration alone (most need direct clitoral stimulation). In order to fulfill all her needs, you'll have to put those mouth muscles to work—and the best move is to dive in eagerly. "You should let her know how much the thought of going down on her turns you on. Plant ideas into her head as to what you'd love to do to her," says Yvonne Fulbright, Ph.D., a sexologist and author of The Best Oral Sex Ever—His Guide to Going Down. And once you're down there, Fulbright suggests "making noises, which will indicate to her that you’re into it," putting any libido-lowering insecurities she may have to rest.
WHAT SHE SAYS: "Do not go straight for the clitoris. Do some work around the general area and tease us. Get us worked up before you get to the main event. " —Masha, 25, Carlsbad, CA
2. Be flexible.
One ex might have loved your go-to oral sex move while another woman may hate it. "No two people are alike in what turns them on, so you need to be adaptive in your techniques, positions, etc.," says Fulbright. Keep an open mind when it comes to feedback—and be prepared to observe. "Watch her please herself," suggests Molly Adler, a sexuality educator, "You will learn how she likes to be stimulated and get a great show. Get to know her body by paying attention to what she likes. And if she doesn’t know what she loves yet, figure it out together." By taking the time to experiment what works for her as you explore her body, you’ll become more focused on the overall journey instead of the orgasm outcome.
WHAT SHE SAYS: "I prefer a guy to have well-manicured clean hands without hangnails or jagged edges. Along the same lines, I think women also prefer that their man has good oral hygiene. Brush your teeth first, please!” —Megan, 35, Houston, TX
3. Start slow, finish strong.
Arousal is a process. As women get more excited, the types of sensations desired will vacillate. "In general, you should start off light and delicate. Very rhythmic," explains Kerner. "Throughout the process, you should apply more pressure and more stimulation. What might have been uncomfortable at the beginning might be comfortable for her at the end." The most common mistake is to start rough or too intense, so warm up her entire vulva first before focusing in on the clitoris. "Once she's warmed up, bring her G-spot [which is basically the first inch to two inches of the vagina] to life while massaging her clitoris with the tip of your tongue," suggests Fullbright, adding that you should become familiar with all of her erogenous zones. The trick is to indirectly stimulate body parts that can become overly sensitive, like rubbing her mons pubis to give her clitoris a breather.
WHAT SHE SAYS: "When your tongue is on my clitoris, nod your head back and forth as if you're saying yes. But don't obsessively slob, spit or salivate." —Dema, 35, Washington, D.C
4. Let her do some of the work.
Reading a woman's body language is the best way to monitor the amount of pressure and speed you should use—and she can help you set the pace. "You don't necessarily want to make like a cobra by going super fast or getting super fancy with your swirls. But you want to apply a point of resistance," says Kerner, noting that—just as when a woman is on top during intercourse—you can allow her to control movement and pressure as you go down on her. And, of course, it helps to pay attention to what she's doing up above. Nonverbal cues, like a squeeze of your hand, clenching the sheets or running her fingers through your hair, are easy to follow. "If she is responding with excitement to what you are doing, keep doing it. Not harder or faster, just exactly the same way," says Adler.
WHAT SHE SAYS: "Don't be afraid to play with the clit. Even a little (very light) biting is welcome to me." —Yvette, 25, Brooklyn, NY
5. Use your fingers as extra instruments.
When combined with direct clitoral stimulation, finger action is the key to turning a little G-spot teasing into a full-blown orgasm. As you lick her clitoris with your tongue, "slowly and gently insert a well-lubed—and well-coiffed—finger into the vaginal canal," suggests Adler. "Curve your fingers upward while maintaining direct clitoral stimulation, either with your tongue or a vibrator. Then move your fingers gently in and out of her vaginal canal while pressing firmly upward." The response will be explosive.
WHAT SHE SAYS: "I think at least 50 percent of oral sex should be good hand-work. Fingers can go deeper than a tongue, and the use of hands gives the guy’s mouth a break so he doesn’t get too tired too quickly." —Melissa, 39, San Antonio, TX
6. Mix up positions.
"The preferred position is going to be very individual, boiling down to her comfort with the action and how much she wants to be in charge, versus being a more laidback receiver," explains Fulbright. "Being on her back gives her less control over what’s being stimulated and with what kind of intensity, while '69' can have her less focused on her own reactions as she tries to pleasure her partner." In general, the more a position exposes her clitoris, the greater the sensations and intensity of the action she’ll experience.
WHAT SHE SAYS: "It helps to know the roadmap! But if you're feeling overwhelmed by the task at hand, you can always slow down and ask
But when it come to stimulating her down there, the numbers don't lie: 30 to 50 percent of women say they cannot reach an orgasm through intercourse alone. And as stated above, there are 8000 nerve endings on the visible nub of the clitoris to navigate (twice as many as the penis).
Luckily, we're here to help, breaking down all the tips, tricks and techniques you need to wow your woman tonight in a simple six-step plan. Consider it your final oral exam.
1. Take the initiative.
Oral sex is not just foreplay anymore, explains Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sexuality counselor and author of She Comes First, "It should be considered core-play." Only about 43 percent of women can climax through penetration alone (most need direct clitoral stimulation). In order to fulfill all her needs, you'll have to put those mouth muscles to work—and the best move is to dive in eagerly. "You should let her know how much the thought of going down on her turns you on. Plant ideas into her head as to what you'd love to do to her," says Yvonne Fulbright, Ph.D., a sexologist and author of The Best Oral Sex Ever—His Guide to Going Down. And once you're down there, Fulbright suggests "making noises, which will indicate to her that you’re into it," putting any libido-lowering insecurities she may have to rest.
WHAT SHE SAYS: "Do not go straight for the clitoris. Do some work around the general area and tease us. Get us worked up before you get to the main event. " —Masha, 25, Carlsbad, CA
2. Be flexible.
One ex might have loved your go-to oral sex move while another woman may hate it. "No two people are alike in what turns them on, so you need to be adaptive in your techniques, positions, etc.," says Fulbright. Keep an open mind when it comes to feedback—and be prepared to observe. "Watch her please herself," suggests Molly Adler, a sexuality educator, "You will learn how she likes to be stimulated and get a great show. Get to know her body by paying attention to what she likes. And if she doesn’t know what she loves yet, figure it out together." By taking the time to experiment what works for her as you explore her body, you’ll become more focused on the overall journey instead of the orgasm outcome.
WHAT SHE SAYS: "I prefer a guy to have well-manicured clean hands without hangnails or jagged edges. Along the same lines, I think women also prefer that their man has good oral hygiene. Brush your teeth first, please!” —Megan, 35, Houston, TX
3. Start slow, finish strong.
Arousal is a process. As women get more excited, the types of sensations desired will vacillate. "In general, you should start off light and delicate. Very rhythmic," explains Kerner. "Throughout the process, you should apply more pressure and more stimulation. What might have been uncomfortable at the beginning might be comfortable for her at the end." The most common mistake is to start rough or too intense, so warm up her entire vulva first before focusing in on the clitoris. "Once she's warmed up, bring her G-spot [which is basically the first inch to two inches of the vagina] to life while massaging her clitoris with the tip of your tongue," suggests Fullbright, adding that you should become familiar with all of her erogenous zones. The trick is to indirectly stimulate body parts that can become overly sensitive, like rubbing her mons pubis to give her clitoris a breather.
WHAT SHE SAYS: "When your tongue is on my clitoris, nod your head back and forth as if you're saying yes. But don't obsessively slob, spit or salivate." —Dema, 35, Washington, D.C
4. Let her do some of the work.
Reading a woman's body language is the best way to monitor the amount of pressure and speed you should use—and she can help you set the pace. "You don't necessarily want to make like a cobra by going super fast or getting super fancy with your swirls. But you want to apply a point of resistance," says Kerner, noting that—just as when a woman is on top during intercourse—you can allow her to control movement and pressure as you go down on her. And, of course, it helps to pay attention to what she's doing up above. Nonverbal cues, like a squeeze of your hand, clenching the sheets or running her fingers through your hair, are easy to follow. "If she is responding with excitement to what you are doing, keep doing it. Not harder or faster, just exactly the same way," says Adler.
WHAT SHE SAYS: "Don't be afraid to play with the clit. Even a little (very light) biting is welcome to me." —Yvette, 25, Brooklyn, NY
5. Use your fingers as extra instruments.
When combined with direct clitoral stimulation, finger action is the key to turning a little G-spot teasing into a full-blown orgasm. As you lick her clitoris with your tongue, "slowly and gently insert a well-lubed—and well-coiffed—finger into the vaginal canal," suggests Adler. "Curve your fingers upward while maintaining direct clitoral stimulation, either with your tongue or a vibrator. Then move your fingers gently in and out of her vaginal canal while pressing firmly upward." The response will be explosive.
WHAT SHE SAYS: "I think at least 50 percent of oral sex should be good hand-work. Fingers can go deeper than a tongue, and the use of hands gives the guy’s mouth a break so he doesn’t get too tired too quickly." —Melissa, 39, San Antonio, TX
6. Mix up positions.
"The preferred position is going to be very individual, boiling down to her comfort with the action and how much she wants to be in charge, versus being a more laidback receiver," explains Fulbright. "Being on her back gives her less control over what’s being stimulated and with what kind of intensity, while '69' can have her less focused on her own reactions as she tries to pleasure her partner." In general, the more a position exposes her clitoris, the greater the sensations and intensity of the action she’ll experience.
WHAT SHE SAYS: "It helps to know the roadmap! But if you're feeling overwhelmed by the task at hand, you can always slow down and ask
Dirty talk... How to turn up the Heat!
“Just lie back and let me make you cum”
“You taste so good”
“You can have me any way you want, babe”
“Look how ready I am. Don’t you want to put your dick in there?”
"Look how hard you make me. Don't you want to feel this deep inside?"
What do you feel as you read this? Did that turn you on? Yes? Then this article is for you! No? Then this article is for you.
Aww, those dirty words… They are powerful and seductive in the bedroom and many of us use them for expression and effect. Yesterday someone asked me if I know how to talk dirty. So today I’m going to share with you some dirty talk tips and examples that will help you figure out how to approach the naughty fun of talking and feel more comfortable about it.
Dirty talk is the opportunity to really push back all the boundaries and stops. Being sweet and polite by nature, and expressing my dirty side at the right time and blurting out sexy rude things is a lot of fun and gives a little spice to life.
Talking dirty to your sweetheart is a great form of sex play, but there are certain things you must keep in mind in order to have the best experience.
What is a Dirty Talk?
Dirty talk (sexy talk, naughty talk, etc) is a sex play involving sensual/sexual phrasing in order to drive one’s partner or oneself wild through words and imagination, and heighten sexual pleasure before and during sex. Through a dirty talk you can stimulate your partner’s major senses: sound, sight and touch. Lovers use dirty talk as a way of expressing their wants and needs in the heat of the moment.
If done right and at the right time, dirty talk is one of the hottest things you can do for your lover!
How to talk dirty?
Types of Dirty Talk: the soft-core and the hard-core.
The soft-core dirty talk may include sweet nothings, and “not so dirty” phrases and words. The soft-core version is a great way to start with dirty talk. In the beginning it is best to stick with the words you already know these work well and gradually add new naughty words and phrases here and there during sex. After all, who says a dirty talk has to be always vulgar? First of all, it has to be comfortable for both lovers and sound seductively enough to make you aroused and ready for more! We all know that sometimes the simple statements work incredibly well.
“I love the things you do with your tongue”
“Honey, you’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen!”
“I want you so bad”
“Your wish is my command”
The hard-core dirty talk may involve swear words and slang words. Many lovers find it extremely hot if you use them, especially if you don’t usually swear. If you prefer to use some of the most vulgar words and phrases known to man, then so be it as long you are comfortable with it and keep it within both of you. Talking dirty is like a secret with your sweetheart, a secret that only you two know and enjoy behind closed doors.
“I want to rub my pussy all over your face right now”
“Spray your juice all over my ------”
“Put your big dick inside my pussy and fuck my brain out. Right now!”
“This is how a real man fucks!”
Dirty talking ways
A great way to sound sexy and dirty is describing out loud what is happening during sex, how wonderful it feels in your body; talking out your dirty fantasies; telling your partner something you’re going to do and something you want your lover to do to you right now. If you can hold eye contact as you’re describing it, you get some extra pleasure, believe me. And one more thing: complimenting your lover is one more way to sound dirty in the sack. Compliment and praise your lover, give her/him an ego boost. Talk about his/her body and tell him/her about your favorite part of his/her body. Be descriptive and creative.
“You look so sexy when you do that”
“You taste sooo good”
“Oh, that feels so good! Do that again!”
“No one has ever made me come as hard as you can”
It’s not what you say, but how you say it
Dirty talk doesn’t involve only words and phrases. You may use your voice and sounds: moans, groans, sighs; whispering and screaming. You can sound commanding and harsh, submissive and uncertain, and everywhere in between.
It should come naturally from you
Please, do not say words that make you feel uncomfortable. Try to be yourself and say the words that come out naturally. Just say what comes to mind. So, in order to sound spontaneous and really sexy, you have to wait for the right moment because if a dirty talk isn’t done right and at the right time; then prepare to deal with laughter and giggles After all, the point of dirty talk is to have fun, so don’t worry if it sounds funny!
Sometimes the laughter can give way to the most natural dirty talk and dirtiest phrases! So, if your sweetheart’s dirty talk makes you laugh, say something like “Shut up, sweetie, and use your mouth on me. I adore that!” or “Don’t talk dirty to me, play dirty to me!” Perfect: now you’re talking dirty!
Dirty talk boundaries
When the subject of dirty talk comes up, the first thing to do is communicate your dirty talk boundaries. If there are words that you don’t like, you have to tell your sweetheart. Once you have agreed on what works and what doesn’t – have fun!
Dirty talk is not disrespect; this is a sex play.
Behind closed doors, almost all women enjoy being treated like a little whore every now and then. But everyone should separate a sex play from reality. So if she is a “bitch” in the sack, that doesn’t mean that she would like to be called a “bitch” outside of the bedroom.
SO WHAT TO SAY?
Okay, so you are in the mood to talk sexy/dirty/naughty to your lover and aren’t sure what to say? I hope the coming examples will come in quite handy.
50 Dirty Talk Examples, From Not-So-Dirty to So-So-Dirty!
1. Tell me all the dirty little things you do when you masturbate, you naughty boy/girl. Tell me everything, baby. Tell me how you play with yourself.
2. Do you like it when I touch myself here?
3. Lie back and shut up! I’m going to make you come until you can’t breathe.
4. Kiss me there… Lick every inch of me.
5. Come over here and ride me hard!
6. Fuck me. Right now!
7. Use me as your sex toy all night long.
8. Touch yourself and let me watch you.
9. Do you want more? Take it!
10. Give me that cum, honey. I want it in my mouth. Come on, give it to me.
11. It drives me crazy when you look at me that way.
12. I’m going to do you right now, honey. Your pussy… or your ass…?
13. Well, motherfucker, I won’t let you fuck my ass… So what?
14. Shut the fuck up! I’ll fuck you wherever I want, naughty little whore!
15. I always get what I want.
16. Okay, babe, you can have any hole you want.
17. I love the way it sounds when you fuck me. Hear it?
18. I want you to suck out all the juices you put in me with your mouth.
19. Baby don’t stop! Oh my god, I love it when you do that!
20. I’m so fuckin’ wet, just let me suck your sweet lollipop…
21. Just put your dick inside me and fuck my brain out!
22. Just grab my head and force me closer!
23. I’m your slave for the night. Tell me what you want.
24. You can have me any way you want…
25. Get over here, big boy. And show me who’s the boss!
26. Where do you want to cum?
27. I want it all over me. Cover me with it.
28. What a sweet sexy ass!
29. Do you like my juicy pussy/big dick? Tell me what you see. Describe it to me.
30. You’re my bitch. I adore how naughty you are. I love you.
31. Babe, you have to follow all my rules tonight.
32. No stops this time. Let’s see how many times I can make you cum.
33. Don’t you dare cum until I say you can!
34. Maybe you should spank me – I’ve been very, very bad.
35. I want you to undress and wait for me in the bedroom.
36. Get on your hands and knees, sweetheart… and wait like a good girl.
37. Spread your legs wide for me, sweet darling. Your body is mine tonight.
38. You like it when I spread my legs and take you in?
39. I can’t believe what you’re doing! Please do not stop!
40. I love pleasing you and the sounds of your pleasure drive me crazy.
41. You little slut, I’m going to fuck you till you can’t walk! Ready?
42. Fill me up, daddy, fuck my tight cunt! Make me scream with that big dick of yours!
43. Faster! Deeper! Harder!
44. What a hot nasty girl you are! I will wash your mouth out with my cum if you talk dirty, naughty girl.
45. I love how big your cock gets when I talk to you like this.
46. I love sucking your cock. And I’m going to lick it clean.
47. Cum for me baby, cum in my mouth, I want to taste you.
48. I could spend hours between your legs; teasing… sucking; sipping; tasting you.
49. I want you. I want to make love with you. I want to enjoy sex with you. I want to fuck you like you like it tonight.
50. Oh, baby, that was the best fuck I’ve ever had. Thank you for that.
Don’t be quiet in the bedroom! Be a good girl/boy who knows how to be bad and talk dirty.
“You taste so good”
“You can have me any way you want, babe”
“Look how ready I am. Don’t you want to put your dick in there?”
"Look how hard you make me. Don't you want to feel this deep inside?"
What do you feel as you read this? Did that turn you on? Yes? Then this article is for you! No? Then this article is for you.
Aww, those dirty words… They are powerful and seductive in the bedroom and many of us use them for expression and effect. Yesterday someone asked me if I know how to talk dirty. So today I’m going to share with you some dirty talk tips and examples that will help you figure out how to approach the naughty fun of talking and feel more comfortable about it.
Dirty talk is the opportunity to really push back all the boundaries and stops. Being sweet and polite by nature, and expressing my dirty side at the right time and blurting out sexy rude things is a lot of fun and gives a little spice to life.
Talking dirty to your sweetheart is a great form of sex play, but there are certain things you must keep in mind in order to have the best experience.
What is a Dirty Talk?
Dirty talk (sexy talk, naughty talk, etc) is a sex play involving sensual/sexual phrasing in order to drive one’s partner or oneself wild through words and imagination, and heighten sexual pleasure before and during sex. Through a dirty talk you can stimulate your partner’s major senses: sound, sight and touch. Lovers use dirty talk as a way of expressing their wants and needs in the heat of the moment.
If done right and at the right time, dirty talk is one of the hottest things you can do for your lover!
How to talk dirty?
Types of Dirty Talk: the soft-core and the hard-core.
The soft-core dirty talk may include sweet nothings, and “not so dirty” phrases and words. The soft-core version is a great way to start with dirty talk. In the beginning it is best to stick with the words you already know these work well and gradually add new naughty words and phrases here and there during sex. After all, who says a dirty talk has to be always vulgar? First of all, it has to be comfortable for both lovers and sound seductively enough to make you aroused and ready for more! We all know that sometimes the simple statements work incredibly well.
“I love the things you do with your tongue”
“Honey, you’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen!”
“I want you so bad”
“Your wish is my command”
The hard-core dirty talk may involve swear words and slang words. Many lovers find it extremely hot if you use them, especially if you don’t usually swear. If you prefer to use some of the most vulgar words and phrases known to man, then so be it as long you are comfortable with it and keep it within both of you. Talking dirty is like a secret with your sweetheart, a secret that only you two know and enjoy behind closed doors.
“I want to rub my pussy all over your face right now”
“Spray your juice all over my ------”
“Put your big dick inside my pussy and fuck my brain out. Right now!”
“This is how a real man fucks!”
Dirty talking ways
A great way to sound sexy and dirty is describing out loud what is happening during sex, how wonderful it feels in your body; talking out your dirty fantasies; telling your partner something you’re going to do and something you want your lover to do to you right now. If you can hold eye contact as you’re describing it, you get some extra pleasure, believe me. And one more thing: complimenting your lover is one more way to sound dirty in the sack. Compliment and praise your lover, give her/him an ego boost. Talk about his/her body and tell him/her about your favorite part of his/her body. Be descriptive and creative.
“You look so sexy when you do that”
“You taste sooo good”
“Oh, that feels so good! Do that again!”
“No one has ever made me come as hard as you can”
It’s not what you say, but how you say it
Dirty talk doesn’t involve only words and phrases. You may use your voice and sounds: moans, groans, sighs; whispering and screaming. You can sound commanding and harsh, submissive and uncertain, and everywhere in between.
It should come naturally from you
Please, do not say words that make you feel uncomfortable. Try to be yourself and say the words that come out naturally. Just say what comes to mind. So, in order to sound spontaneous and really sexy, you have to wait for the right moment because if a dirty talk isn’t done right and at the right time; then prepare to deal with laughter and giggles After all, the point of dirty talk is to have fun, so don’t worry if it sounds funny!
Sometimes the laughter can give way to the most natural dirty talk and dirtiest phrases! So, if your sweetheart’s dirty talk makes you laugh, say something like “Shut up, sweetie, and use your mouth on me. I adore that!” or “Don’t talk dirty to me, play dirty to me!” Perfect: now you’re talking dirty!
Dirty talk boundaries
When the subject of dirty talk comes up, the first thing to do is communicate your dirty talk boundaries. If there are words that you don’t like, you have to tell your sweetheart. Once you have agreed on what works and what doesn’t – have fun!
Dirty talk is not disrespect; this is a sex play.
Behind closed doors, almost all women enjoy being treated like a little whore every now and then. But everyone should separate a sex play from reality. So if she is a “bitch” in the sack, that doesn’t mean that she would like to be called a “bitch” outside of the bedroom.
SO WHAT TO SAY?
Okay, so you are in the mood to talk sexy/dirty/naughty to your lover and aren’t sure what to say? I hope the coming examples will come in quite handy.
50 Dirty Talk Examples, From Not-So-Dirty to So-So-Dirty!
1. Tell me all the dirty little things you do when you masturbate, you naughty boy/girl. Tell me everything, baby. Tell me how you play with yourself.
2. Do you like it when I touch myself here?
3. Lie back and shut up! I’m going to make you come until you can’t breathe.
4. Kiss me there… Lick every inch of me.
5. Come over here and ride me hard!
6. Fuck me. Right now!
7. Use me as your sex toy all night long.
8. Touch yourself and let me watch you.
9. Do you want more? Take it!
10. Give me that cum, honey. I want it in my mouth. Come on, give it to me.
11. It drives me crazy when you look at me that way.
12. I’m going to do you right now, honey. Your pussy… or your ass…?
13. Well, motherfucker, I won’t let you fuck my ass… So what?
14. Shut the fuck up! I’ll fuck you wherever I want, naughty little whore!
15. I always get what I want.
16. Okay, babe, you can have any hole you want.
17. I love the way it sounds when you fuck me. Hear it?
18. I want you to suck out all the juices you put in me with your mouth.
19. Baby don’t stop! Oh my god, I love it when you do that!
20. I’m so fuckin’ wet, just let me suck your sweet lollipop…
21. Just put your dick inside me and fuck my brain out!
22. Just grab my head and force me closer!
23. I’m your slave for the night. Tell me what you want.
24. You can have me any way you want…
25. Get over here, big boy. And show me who’s the boss!
26. Where do you want to cum?
27. I want it all over me. Cover me with it.
28. What a sweet sexy ass!
29. Do you like my juicy pussy/big dick? Tell me what you see. Describe it to me.
30. You’re my bitch. I adore how naughty you are. I love you.
31. Babe, you have to follow all my rules tonight.
32. No stops this time. Let’s see how many times I can make you cum.
33. Don’t you dare cum until I say you can!
34. Maybe you should spank me – I’ve been very, very bad.
35. I want you to undress and wait for me in the bedroom.
36. Get on your hands and knees, sweetheart… and wait like a good girl.
37. Spread your legs wide for me, sweet darling. Your body is mine tonight.
38. You like it when I spread my legs and take you in?
39. I can’t believe what you’re doing! Please do not stop!
40. I love pleasing you and the sounds of your pleasure drive me crazy.
41. You little slut, I’m going to fuck you till you can’t walk! Ready?
42. Fill me up, daddy, fuck my tight cunt! Make me scream with that big dick of yours!
43. Faster! Deeper! Harder!
44. What a hot nasty girl you are! I will wash your mouth out with my cum if you talk dirty, naughty girl.
45. I love how big your cock gets when I talk to you like this.
46. I love sucking your cock. And I’m going to lick it clean.
47. Cum for me baby, cum in my mouth, I want to taste you.
48. I could spend hours between your legs; teasing… sucking; sipping; tasting you.
49. I want you. I want to make love with you. I want to enjoy sex with you. I want to fuck you like you like it tonight.
50. Oh, baby, that was the best fuck I’ve ever had. Thank you for that.
Don’t be quiet in the bedroom! Be a good girl/boy who knows how to be bad and talk dirty.
Nudity.
The difference between porn and art... prostitution or therapy.
How does Tantra fit in a therapeutic context?
Porn or Art?
What does the image above represent to you? A beautiful landscape? A bunch of naked bodies? Pornography?
I see a beautiful bodyscape, I see people united, I see art.
How you see art versus porn says a lot about you...
Prostitution or therapy?
Prostitution is the simple exchange of sexual favours for monetary gains. One person gives up the right to her/his body to another in exchange for money. More often then not, one person is left feeling used while the other gain a very elusive satisfaction that doesn't last and more often then not, leaves them feeling worst about their decision making.
Therapy on the other hand is two or more people working together to profit equally. All parties are equal, no one gives themselves away. There is a positive sharing of sexual energy that flows freely, respectfully and everyone is left feeling understood, taken care of, loved, respected and satisfied with their decisions and accomplishments.
How does Tantra fits in?
Tantra brings it all together, it opens the mind to be more receptive. The practice of Tantra is meant "to weave, to expand, and to spread". The fabric of life provides true and ever-lasting fulfillment only when all the threads are woven according to the pattern designated by nature. When we are born, life tends to naturally forms itself around that pattern. But as we grow, our own ignorance, desires, attachments, fears, and false images of ourselves tears the threads and rips the fabric. Tantra reweaves the fabric and restores the original pattern. In the context of a sensual erotic massage it brings together body mind and soul, connected in perfect harmony with the world around us.
Tantra is different in the sense that it takes the whole person, and his/her desires into account. All too often we are told that desire for material and /or sexual pleasures and spiritual aspirations are mutually exclusive of each other. This sets the stage for an endless internal struggle. Although most people are drawn into spiritual beliefs at some point in our lives, we all have a natural urge to fulfill our desires. With no way to reconcile these two impulses, we fall prey to guilt and self-condemnation or become hypocritical and fragmented. Tantra offers an alternative leading to a better life.
Oneness through Tantra
When we embrace Tantra, we become more "complete." By identifying accepting and even stimulating our innate sensual spirituality, we discover parts of ourselves that have all too often been repressed. Above all, we learn to use Tantric energy for sexual pleasure and awareness in the most healthy way possible.
Tantra helps people enjoy their sex life to its fullest. It helps do away with guilt or fear. Tantra breaks down self-imposed limiting cultural boundaries.
Tantra allows us to become familiar with our mystical nature, and by doing so, our boundaries expand. We enter into new realms of awareness, become empowered and are more fulfilled. In addition, the orgasm experienced in this state of consciousness are incredible, explosive and longer lasting.
Tantra is about sexual freedom
Tantra is the total surrender of all mental, emotional and cultural conditioning, so that universal life energy can flow through you freely. Tantra not only expands consciousness, it liberates it.
Tantra treats sexual energy as an ally, rather than something to be suppressed or discussed behind closed doors. It does not deny sex, in fact Tantra does the opposite by embracing sex. Tantra is the only spiritual practice that states that sex is sacred and not a sin — even outside of marriage.
There is a beautiful word for sex in the Sanskrit language, and that word is Kama , which means that sex and love go together; they're undivided and indivisible. Most everyone is familiar with the classic 7th century Tantric scripture, Kama Sutra which deals directly with sex and love.
Tantra unites
The essence of Tantra is the full expression of existence; a merging with, rather than a withdrawing from, sexual energy. This energy is used as an ignition for firing the body's biological energy system, merging with universal energy.
In Tantra, sex is used as the cosmic union of opposites, to create the polarity charge that connects with the primordial energy from which everything arises in the universe. In Tantra, sex is the totality of All.
What does the image above represent to you? A beautiful landscape? A bunch of naked bodies? Pornography?
I see a beautiful bodyscape, I see people united, I see art.
How you see art versus porn says a lot about you...
Prostitution or therapy?
Prostitution is the simple exchange of sexual favours for monetary gains. One person gives up the right to her/his body to another in exchange for money. More often then not, one person is left feeling used while the other gain a very elusive satisfaction that doesn't last and more often then not, leaves them feeling worst about their decision making.
Therapy on the other hand is two or more people working together to profit equally. All parties are equal, no one gives themselves away. There is a positive sharing of sexual energy that flows freely, respectfully and everyone is left feeling understood, taken care of, loved, respected and satisfied with their decisions and accomplishments.
How does Tantra fits in?
Tantra brings it all together, it opens the mind to be more receptive. The practice of Tantra is meant "to weave, to expand, and to spread". The fabric of life provides true and ever-lasting fulfillment only when all the threads are woven according to the pattern designated by nature. When we are born, life tends to naturally forms itself around that pattern. But as we grow, our own ignorance, desires, attachments, fears, and false images of ourselves tears the threads and rips the fabric. Tantra reweaves the fabric and restores the original pattern. In the context of a sensual erotic massage it brings together body mind and soul, connected in perfect harmony with the world around us.
Tantra is different in the sense that it takes the whole person, and his/her desires into account. All too often we are told that desire for material and /or sexual pleasures and spiritual aspirations are mutually exclusive of each other. This sets the stage for an endless internal struggle. Although most people are drawn into spiritual beliefs at some point in our lives, we all have a natural urge to fulfill our desires. With no way to reconcile these two impulses, we fall prey to guilt and self-condemnation or become hypocritical and fragmented. Tantra offers an alternative leading to a better life.
Oneness through Tantra
When we embrace Tantra, we become more "complete." By identifying accepting and even stimulating our innate sensual spirituality, we discover parts of ourselves that have all too often been repressed. Above all, we learn to use Tantric energy for sexual pleasure and awareness in the most healthy way possible.
Tantra helps people enjoy their sex life to its fullest. It helps do away with guilt or fear. Tantra breaks down self-imposed limiting cultural boundaries.
Tantra allows us to become familiar with our mystical nature, and by doing so, our boundaries expand. We enter into new realms of awareness, become empowered and are more fulfilled. In addition, the orgasm experienced in this state of consciousness are incredible, explosive and longer lasting.
Tantra is about sexual freedom
Tantra is the total surrender of all mental, emotional and cultural conditioning, so that universal life energy can flow through you freely. Tantra not only expands consciousness, it liberates it.
Tantra treats sexual energy as an ally, rather than something to be suppressed or discussed behind closed doors. It does not deny sex, in fact Tantra does the opposite by embracing sex. Tantra is the only spiritual practice that states that sex is sacred and not a sin — even outside of marriage.
There is a beautiful word for sex in the Sanskrit language, and that word is Kama , which means that sex and love go together; they're undivided and indivisible. Most everyone is familiar with the classic 7th century Tantric scripture, Kama Sutra which deals directly with sex and love.
Tantra unites
The essence of Tantra is the full expression of existence; a merging with, rather than a withdrawing from, sexual energy. This energy is used as an ignition for firing the body's biological energy system, merging with universal energy.
In Tantra, sex is used as the cosmic union of opposites, to create the polarity charge that connects with the primordial energy from which everything arises in the universe. In Tantra, sex is the totality of All.
Fuck The Divine Feminine & Divine Masculine
By: Scott DeStephanis More than any sort of divinity what we as humans so desperately need is the freedom to be who we are, exactly the way we are, and to know that that is enough. As I was scrolling through my Facebook feed the other day I couldn’t help but notice all these articles on men and women:
All I could think to myself was what a bunch of bull...!Let me first start off by saying that I understand and support the concept of the divine masculine and feminine. I believe that they are useful models for relating to men and women. I’ve participated in tantric workshops, studied under David Deida, read a number of spiritual texts, and have read a lot of books on masculinity and femininity. I even had this concept as an integral theme for my wedding ceremony. I fully get what it is for and about. The Divine Masculine & Feminine In Real Life The original concepts of The Divine Feminine and The Divine Masculine are these: The Divine Feminine: is the creative essence, she is all about receiving and surrender, fully vibrant, a source of inspiration. She is the spark. Fully in her emotions and completely compassionate. The Divine Masculine: is all about consciousness, providing structures and safety for the feminine, a builder and creator of things, providing focus and intention to fulfill desires and the wishes of others. As human beings we are made up of both masculine and feminine dynamics. More and more though I am finding that the model of the “Divine Feminine and Masculine” are idealistic and unrealistic for everyday life. They are certainly useful. They are just not attainable on a sustainable level. The Real Life Struggles Of The Divine Femininity Women are becoming more and more empowered in their life and in order for them to be more effective they can’t operate in a place of “complete surrender and being able to receive” all the time. Sometimes their positions in work or life require them to get more active, create structures and manage systems in order to be effective. If a woman was only in her Divine Feminine she’d never get anything done that required structure, timelines or planning, even the ones she holds dear and close to her heart.There’s already enough garbage out there about how women are not enough. We’ve done a great job of pushing women’s self esteem down if they don’t subscribe to an unattainable standard of beauty, do we really need to add a new way of beingto the list of ways they don’t measure up? Must Read: Top 10 Traits Of A Fully Empowered Woman The Real Life Struggles Of The Divine Masculinity As men we already subscribe to the belief that we need to have our shit together; always know what to do, be living our legacy and working our plan. This can hurt us by furthering many of the already existing stereotypes. We as men have bought into this idea that we are supposed to be masculine, but also emotional with just the right amount of toughness, heart, enlightenment, compassion and ruthlessness needed to be the PERFECT actualized version of a man. A man out of touch with his feminine side can never create something as inspiration is a source of feminine energy.Furthermore, his life will lack purpose and creativity and any vibrancy. Yet another impossible standard to try and attain and has men, good men (who may not measure up in some or all of these areas) left feeling and being perceived as ‘not enough’. MUST READ: The Awakening Man {A Guide To Become A Conscious & Powerful Man} Fuck Idealized Archetypes! I have all the room in the world for what these words represent, and what they can allow for. But when they become the new standard to measure up to, that is where we should draw the line. It is for that reason, and that reason alone, I say Fuck you to both of these archetypes.These idealized models for behaviour have their uses but they have been overused and as a result are no different than photoshopped magazine covers creating unattainable standards that make us feel bad about ourselves when we don’t reach them. I think the solution isn’t to try and identify with and be The Divine Masculine or Feminine. That’s the standard we’ve been operating inside of and let’s face it… it hasn’t been working. Instead we should allow ourselves to play in these aspects of the masculine and feminine, and see them as an opportunity and one possible way we can operate as humans that may offer us a new path to growth. To me the ideal place is when we are free to be who we are and express ourselves fully without concern for appearing, less than what the ‘ideal’ is.So please, let’s stop touting them as the next big revelation in relating and let’s understand that both those archetypes already exist in us and you will never fully embody them all of the time and that it is okay. I think it would make a lot of us happier if we didn’t have the pressure of living up to a standard that has been socially and culturally imposed.More than any sort of divinity what we as humans so desperately need is the freedom to be who we are, exactly the way we are, and to know that that is enough. That to me is what is truly sacred and holy. 
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The Art of Kissing every man should learn..
All men want to be master kissers; only a few actually manage to be one. It's kind of like driving... every man think they are the best drivers on the roads... Unfortunately, not every women will agree!
No man will accept the fact that he isn’t a good enough kisser and needs to work on his ability to kiss. But secretly, all men at one point in their lives have browsed articles that tell them more about how to kiss amazingly well. I believe that even the best one’s can do better, which is why I present to you, tips that will help you Learn the Art of Kissing better.
1. Hold, Don’t Grab
When your partner is standing/sitting very close to you, just close enough to allow you to kiss her, hold her gently. Most men make the mistake of latching on to their partner. Such gestures makes most women feel unsafe, threaten and uncomfortable. So, hold her tenderly and allow the mood to set in.
2. Lips & lick
Hold her face in your hand and kiss her lips first. Please don’t shove your tongue down her throat...ever. It will be the most unpleasant thing to do. Allow your tongue to feel the smoothness of her lips and allow her to feel yours. It is very important that you work your lips. Don't just leave your mouth open as if you were breathing in air. Move it and give your jaw muscles some much needed exercise. Play it slow and let the tempo build. Feel her entire person through her mouth. The tongue is a very sensitive organ that transmit a lot of energy and is extremely sensual.... When you kiss lovingly, tenderly you share all of you with your partner and that is what makes it special.
3. Tongue-play
Do it like the French do...LOL! Play with your tongues: tongue kiss, kiss her tongue and even suck on it gently, slowly, sensually. Use your tongue as an extension of your entire being, share your soul and play with it. Along with this, engage in kissing and biting (gentle), and you are bound to get her excited and aroused. However, the most important thing here is not to smear her face & lips with saliva. Eeeeks! Let that happen, and you can be sure this would be your last kiss with her.
4. Feel the flow of energy
Once you have spent enough time kissing and gently tonguing and gone through with the above subtle steps, you can now completely be one together with her. But again, don’t be hasty. Do it gradually and go with the flow. Feel her, feel the flow of energy between the two of you. Feel your bodies touching, feel her face in your hands, feel her lower back and hold her tight enough to make her feel protected by your entire being but not trapped or threatened...
Armed with the knowledge of the ultimate art of kissing, you can kiss your intimacy nightmares good bye.
Enjoy!
No man will accept the fact that he isn’t a good enough kisser and needs to work on his ability to kiss. But secretly, all men at one point in their lives have browsed articles that tell them more about how to kiss amazingly well. I believe that even the best one’s can do better, which is why I present to you, tips that will help you Learn the Art of Kissing better.
1. Hold, Don’t Grab
When your partner is standing/sitting very close to you, just close enough to allow you to kiss her, hold her gently. Most men make the mistake of latching on to their partner. Such gestures makes most women feel unsafe, threaten and uncomfortable. So, hold her tenderly and allow the mood to set in.
2. Lips & lick
Hold her face in your hand and kiss her lips first. Please don’t shove your tongue down her throat...ever. It will be the most unpleasant thing to do. Allow your tongue to feel the smoothness of her lips and allow her to feel yours. It is very important that you work your lips. Don't just leave your mouth open as if you were breathing in air. Move it and give your jaw muscles some much needed exercise. Play it slow and let the tempo build. Feel her entire person through her mouth. The tongue is a very sensitive organ that transmit a lot of energy and is extremely sensual.... When you kiss lovingly, tenderly you share all of you with your partner and that is what makes it special.
3. Tongue-play
Do it like the French do...LOL! Play with your tongues: tongue kiss, kiss her tongue and even suck on it gently, slowly, sensually. Use your tongue as an extension of your entire being, share your soul and play with it. Along with this, engage in kissing and biting (gentle), and you are bound to get her excited and aroused. However, the most important thing here is not to smear her face & lips with saliva. Eeeeks! Let that happen, and you can be sure this would be your last kiss with her.
4. Feel the flow of energy
Once you have spent enough time kissing and gently tonguing and gone through with the above subtle steps, you can now completely be one together with her. But again, don’t be hasty. Do it gradually and go with the flow. Feel her, feel the flow of energy between the two of you. Feel your bodies touching, feel her face in your hands, feel her lower back and hold her tight enough to make her feel protected by your entire being but not trapped or threatened...
Armed with the knowledge of the ultimate art of kissing, you can kiss your intimacy nightmares good bye.
Enjoy!
What men really think about your body...
The Author
Claire CaseyVisit Author's Website
About Me
Claire Casey has spent years traveling the sometimes dazzling, sometimes dark and rocky paths that connect the hearts of men to the women they love. As a lifelong writer, she has studied and written about the ways men and women grow (or destroy) love. Unlike the spotlight-loving, entertainment-based celebrity relationship coaches, Claire isn't a model or a TV spokesperson, and she doesn't have a lot of academic letters after her name... She just quietly empowers women to attract the kind of man who will treasure and protect a woman's heart like the rare and beautiful gem it is.
You said "flawed" he thinks "Sexy"...
You know why I’m saying that?
Because when YOU look at yourself in the mirror, you see that front tooth that’s a bit crooked, the line where your bra presses in (you call this your ‘back fat’), the too-small breasts or the too-wide rear, your goofy knees, funny toes…. The list goes on and on.
But you know what your MAN sees?
A woman he’d love to strip naked and get busy with right this instant, maybe sooner.
MY PERSONAL BODY PART CONFESSION..
Maybe you have a muffin top ‘thing,’ but I used to HATE my feet.
When I was a teenager, I had surgery on my big toes (bunions, it’s such an ugly word!!) and for the next 20 years I zealously covered my feet. I never EVER owned a pair of sandals or open-toed shoes and would have died before I let a man openly look at my feet.
I have a big scar running the length of both big toes. My second toe is longer. My feet are… wanky. You know. Ugh, I could make myself MISERABLE thinking about my feet.Shockingly, amazingly, wonderfully, I found a man actually willing (he would say, desperate!) to marry me.
I hope you’re laughing now, but at the time, I found it next to impossible to think about what kind of man would marry me ‘even with these feet.’
3 WAYS MEN SEE YOUR BODY
If you asked my man which of my physical attributes attracted him, it’s really hard for him to move past the standard T&A answer you’d probably get from any man. You can almost see a physical effort as he drags his sex-craving brain past the chest, past the butt, and FINALLY he’ll tell you something like,
‘She has gorgeous shoulders…’
I bet he didn’t even know I had scars on my feet for the first 10 years we were married.
Here’s the thing: Men see your body in three ways, and it’s nothing like the way you see yourself.
#1 They see what makes you WOMANLY
This means when they look at you they instantly notice the things about your body that make you uniquely a woman. Breasts, hips, ass, curves… Even the way you walk. It’s nearly impossible for a red-blooded heterosexual male to notice anything before they read the parts of your body that say: I am a woman.
Your arm flaps do not make this list.
Your cellulite does not make this list.
Your stretch marks do not make this list.
Sorry.
#2 They see what makes you UNIQUE
That chipped tooth you hate? They think it’s kind of charming.
The muffin top? They can’t see it because it’s too near your ass, which they think is the finest thing in nine counties.
Do you think your lips are too thin? They just love it when you smile at them. (And truthfully, when they think about your lips on their body, they are NOT thinking ‘Oh her lips are too thin.’ I PROMISE.)
If guys notice a particular body part of yours that you think makes you hideous (and I guarantee you they would never use that term) they just think it makes you uniquely… you! And since it’s YOU they are desperate for, they want that part of you as much as the others.#3 They see what you constantly draw their attention toThis is where you have the power to rock or ruin a relationship.
When you constantly complain about your own body, a man’s desire to enjoy and love you are being eroded a little at a time. In other words, you’re rejecting him.
He thinks, ‘I could touch her body all day,’ and you say, ‘I’m too flabby.
’You’re not only tearing yourself down, you’re tearing HIM – his thoughts, his desires for you, his excitement about you – down.
And it works the other way, too. Show off your pedicure (I do, now!), go sleeveless, wear that backless dress, and ruthlessly tease him with the body he absolutely adores.
A MAN LOVES A REAL WOMAN
Of course he looks at the naked, ‘perfect’ girls in the magazine or online. And of course you’re bombarded with ‘perfect’ skinny chicks on the runway or the billboard.
But a picture of perfection – whether it’s real or not – is no competition whatsoever for a living, breathing, fragrant woman sitting next to a man at a restaurant. Or pressed slightly against him in the elevator. Perfection can go hang; you are up close and personal.
Stepford wives are creepy. You can be assured that while he might fantasize about a playmate of the month, he’ll take a real woman over a figment of his imagination EVERY time.
Celebrate your body (and let him do it, too)!
Of course you want to invest time and energy into a healthy, beautiful body. But meanwhile, don’t let your own issues with your body drive him away. You deserve all the fabulous man-attention as he wants to give you!
You know why I’m saying that?
Because when YOU look at yourself in the mirror, you see that front tooth that’s a bit crooked, the line where your bra presses in (you call this your ‘back fat’), the too-small breasts or the too-wide rear, your goofy knees, funny toes…. The list goes on and on.
But you know what your MAN sees?
A woman he’d love to strip naked and get busy with right this instant, maybe sooner.
MY PERSONAL BODY PART CONFESSION..
Maybe you have a muffin top ‘thing,’ but I used to HATE my feet.
When I was a teenager, I had surgery on my big toes (bunions, it’s such an ugly word!!) and for the next 20 years I zealously covered my feet. I never EVER owned a pair of sandals or open-toed shoes and would have died before I let a man openly look at my feet.
I have a big scar running the length of both big toes. My second toe is longer. My feet are… wanky. You know. Ugh, I could make myself MISERABLE thinking about my feet.Shockingly, amazingly, wonderfully, I found a man actually willing (he would say, desperate!) to marry me.
I hope you’re laughing now, but at the time, I found it next to impossible to think about what kind of man would marry me ‘even with these feet.’
3 WAYS MEN SEE YOUR BODY
If you asked my man which of my physical attributes attracted him, it’s really hard for him to move past the standard T&A answer you’d probably get from any man. You can almost see a physical effort as he drags his sex-craving brain past the chest, past the butt, and FINALLY he’ll tell you something like,
‘She has gorgeous shoulders…’
I bet he didn’t even know I had scars on my feet for the first 10 years we were married.
Here’s the thing: Men see your body in three ways, and it’s nothing like the way you see yourself.
#1 They see what makes you WOMANLY
This means when they look at you they instantly notice the things about your body that make you uniquely a woman. Breasts, hips, ass, curves… Even the way you walk. It’s nearly impossible for a red-blooded heterosexual male to notice anything before they read the parts of your body that say: I am a woman.
Your arm flaps do not make this list.
Your cellulite does not make this list.
Your stretch marks do not make this list.
Sorry.
#2 They see what makes you UNIQUE
That chipped tooth you hate? They think it’s kind of charming.
The muffin top? They can’t see it because it’s too near your ass, which they think is the finest thing in nine counties.
Do you think your lips are too thin? They just love it when you smile at them. (And truthfully, when they think about your lips on their body, they are NOT thinking ‘Oh her lips are too thin.’ I PROMISE.)
If guys notice a particular body part of yours that you think makes you hideous (and I guarantee you they would never use that term) they just think it makes you uniquely… you! And since it’s YOU they are desperate for, they want that part of you as much as the others.#3 They see what you constantly draw their attention toThis is where you have the power to rock or ruin a relationship.
When you constantly complain about your own body, a man’s desire to enjoy and love you are being eroded a little at a time. In other words, you’re rejecting him.
He thinks, ‘I could touch her body all day,’ and you say, ‘I’m too flabby.
’You’re not only tearing yourself down, you’re tearing HIM – his thoughts, his desires for you, his excitement about you – down.
And it works the other way, too. Show off your pedicure (I do, now!), go sleeveless, wear that backless dress, and ruthlessly tease him with the body he absolutely adores.
A MAN LOVES A REAL WOMAN
Of course he looks at the naked, ‘perfect’ girls in the magazine or online. And of course you’re bombarded with ‘perfect’ skinny chicks on the runway or the billboard.
But a picture of perfection – whether it’s real or not – is no competition whatsoever for a living, breathing, fragrant woman sitting next to a man at a restaurant. Or pressed slightly against him in the elevator. Perfection can go hang; you are up close and personal.
Stepford wives are creepy. You can be assured that while he might fantasize about a playmate of the month, he’ll take a real woman over a figment of his imagination EVERY time.
Celebrate your body (and let him do it, too)!
Of course you want to invest time and energy into a healthy, beautiful body. But meanwhile, don’t let your own issues with your body drive him away. You deserve all the fabulous man-attention as he wants to give you!
5 Weird sensations you may experience before, during or after orgasm.
The Author
Maria Freya Visit Author's Website
About Me
Mariah Freya is a down-to-earth Yogini and sex-positive Goddess in daily life. She loves to dig into juicy topics and works with passion on her own sexuality. Get her free eBook “10 Steps to Give a Tantric Yoni Massage”! It’s a practical short guide to how to give an effective and healing Vaginal Massage.
However, we are all different and in a 2010 study women were able to describe their orgasms with 27 different adjectives.Have you ever wondered about the tiny tingly sensations you have during an orgasm? Or were you ever freaked out over certain sensations after lovemaking? So freaked out that you spammed all internet forums full, looking for reasons? Or are you a tantric sex practitioner and have experienced it all?!
At least I did. Here you go, the fascinating world of the weirdest sensations to be experienced before, during & after sex:
#1 Color Change & Growth (This is fascinating!)
Sex makes our bodies grow and change color.We, as women, get bigger where it’s needed. Meaning our vagina expands into all directions. Our uterus may get pushed back to make space in our sweet temple (Debby Herbenick, PhD, author of Because It Feels Good). If feels, whenever my body and mind is ready to open the sacred gates for my lover, only then does something beautiful happen.
Even our breasts swell and increase in size. Nipples are erect and their color starts changing into darker shades. I wish my breasts would always look that way ;-).
For men penises swell into beautiful erect phalluses, and nipple color changes into a beautiful bud.Our temperature increases naturally during sexual arousal, which paints the cute red cheeks on our face or body. This counts for both sexes. It’s due to the increased blood flow in our body that we literally experience a “sex flush”. I usually feel like in a sauna, when making love.
#2 Decrease Of Pain
You have a headache? Make love!Well of course it won’t heal all wounds but it’s proven that pain of any kind decreases during strong sexual arousal and orgasm (Journal of Sex Research).
A more esoteric point of view would be that sexual energy is one of the most healing powers a human being has to offer.Once I had terrible toothache, due to my wisdom teeth. Making love made me totally forget about it and the infection calmed down straight away.
For a second our body almost forgets annoying pain sensations of any kind. Give it a try – at the moment you are highly aroused and experience an orgasm you probably won’t feel your headache or other pain sensations as much as before. Or by then it might have disappeared altogether?!
#3 Numbness
It seems to be a huge (and scary) topic for many people but those who experience a full body numbness after or during lovemaking are freaked out and scared by this sensation. If you trust forum advice found through Google, they suggest that you might have had a stroke or that you should immediately consult a doctor.
Don’t panic! Some believe that this may be caused by hyperventilation and fast breathing during strong sexual arousal. Apparently it causes calcium in our blood to shift to our muscles, making them seize up. The source of this theory is very vague and I haven’t found any solid research on it. So it seems to be one of the many myths that so far science has no explanation for.
In the tantric tradition this numbness is often described as a sensation of our pranic (energy) body. It’s awareness on a subtle level. Some describe it as pleasurable, blissful and as a great sense of peace. A few weeks back I was lying on my back after having an orgasm, feeling totally paralyzed for at least 15 minutes. I simply took the opportunity to meditate and calm down my mind.
#4 Blissful High
Ever felt super stoned after an exciting time with your lover? I feel it all the time.After an explosive hormonal dose of Adrenaline, Oxytocin, Dopamine, Serotonin and Vasopressin, which are produced during and after intercourse, we simply are high on all those “love hormones”. Feeling high like on a drug but much better!
They also found in a study that the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, a part of the brain that is responsible for our self-identification, moral reasoning and social judgement, shuts down when women have orgasms (Janniko R. Georgiadis). Tantrics use sex as a meditation to enter into altered states and let go of their ego completely. Science has just confirmed the physical theory behind all this.
If you feel you are in a state of bliss after a good long session of love making, sit down and meditate. You might realize what a beautiful “egoless” peace of mind you actually are in.
#5 Muscle Spasm
This is the weirdest of all; when muscles are out of control. It almost feels as if our muscles have a mind of their own.Some women experience enormous muscle spasms during and after orgasm. According to the study of Masters and Johnson this is due to contraction of the vaginal muscles. This causes other parts of the body to shake and tense up. This theory dates from the 1960s and is not 100% reliable anymore.
Some more alternative sources might describe this sensation as an overflow of sexual energy, going out through your limbs.
Weird, Mysterious and Fascinating
Weird sensations are fascinating but also sometimes a little scary. We don’t really know where they come from and exactly what it means.
Everyone will experience them slightly differently. And it’s absolutely okay if you haven’t experienced anything like this at all. But maybe you have a combination of soft tingly sensations in your head and a shallow numb right foot you haven’t been aware of, or maybe you feel gentle pins and needles in your face and have a wave-like eruption of full body cramp.
However, we are all different and in a 2010 study women were able to describe their orgasms with 27 different adjectives (Archives of Sexual Behavior). I am pretty sure there are many more weird sensations we can experience, in addition to the five I have mentioned above. So be aware and prepare to explore what energetic sensations your body might have to offer.
By Mariah FreyaFeatured Images by the talented Hélène Béland
—–
What other sensations have you experienced? How would you name them? Don’t be shy and share with me using the form at the bottom of the page.
Maria Freya Visit Author's Website
About Me
Mariah Freya is a down-to-earth Yogini and sex-positive Goddess in daily life. She loves to dig into juicy topics and works with passion on her own sexuality. Get her free eBook “10 Steps to Give a Tantric Yoni Massage”! It’s a practical short guide to how to give an effective and healing Vaginal Massage.
However, we are all different and in a 2010 study women were able to describe their orgasms with 27 different adjectives.Have you ever wondered about the tiny tingly sensations you have during an orgasm? Or were you ever freaked out over certain sensations after lovemaking? So freaked out that you spammed all internet forums full, looking for reasons? Or are you a tantric sex practitioner and have experienced it all?!
At least I did. Here you go, the fascinating world of the weirdest sensations to be experienced before, during & after sex:
#1 Color Change & Growth (This is fascinating!)
Sex makes our bodies grow and change color.We, as women, get bigger where it’s needed. Meaning our vagina expands into all directions. Our uterus may get pushed back to make space in our sweet temple (Debby Herbenick, PhD, author of Because It Feels Good). If feels, whenever my body and mind is ready to open the sacred gates for my lover, only then does something beautiful happen.
Even our breasts swell and increase in size. Nipples are erect and their color starts changing into darker shades. I wish my breasts would always look that way ;-).
For men penises swell into beautiful erect phalluses, and nipple color changes into a beautiful bud.Our temperature increases naturally during sexual arousal, which paints the cute red cheeks on our face or body. This counts for both sexes. It’s due to the increased blood flow in our body that we literally experience a “sex flush”. I usually feel like in a sauna, when making love.
#2 Decrease Of Pain
You have a headache? Make love!Well of course it won’t heal all wounds but it’s proven that pain of any kind decreases during strong sexual arousal and orgasm (Journal of Sex Research).
A more esoteric point of view would be that sexual energy is one of the most healing powers a human being has to offer.Once I had terrible toothache, due to my wisdom teeth. Making love made me totally forget about it and the infection calmed down straight away.
For a second our body almost forgets annoying pain sensations of any kind. Give it a try – at the moment you are highly aroused and experience an orgasm you probably won’t feel your headache or other pain sensations as much as before. Or by then it might have disappeared altogether?!
#3 Numbness
It seems to be a huge (and scary) topic for many people but those who experience a full body numbness after or during lovemaking are freaked out and scared by this sensation. If you trust forum advice found through Google, they suggest that you might have had a stroke or that you should immediately consult a doctor.
Don’t panic! Some believe that this may be caused by hyperventilation and fast breathing during strong sexual arousal. Apparently it causes calcium in our blood to shift to our muscles, making them seize up. The source of this theory is very vague and I haven’t found any solid research on it. So it seems to be one of the many myths that so far science has no explanation for.
In the tantric tradition this numbness is often described as a sensation of our pranic (energy) body. It’s awareness on a subtle level. Some describe it as pleasurable, blissful and as a great sense of peace. A few weeks back I was lying on my back after having an orgasm, feeling totally paralyzed for at least 15 minutes. I simply took the opportunity to meditate and calm down my mind.
#4 Blissful High
Ever felt super stoned after an exciting time with your lover? I feel it all the time.After an explosive hormonal dose of Adrenaline, Oxytocin, Dopamine, Serotonin and Vasopressin, which are produced during and after intercourse, we simply are high on all those “love hormones”. Feeling high like on a drug but much better!
They also found in a study that the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, a part of the brain that is responsible for our self-identification, moral reasoning and social judgement, shuts down when women have orgasms (Janniko R. Georgiadis). Tantrics use sex as a meditation to enter into altered states and let go of their ego completely. Science has just confirmed the physical theory behind all this.
If you feel you are in a state of bliss after a good long session of love making, sit down and meditate. You might realize what a beautiful “egoless” peace of mind you actually are in.
#5 Muscle Spasm
This is the weirdest of all; when muscles are out of control. It almost feels as if our muscles have a mind of their own.Some women experience enormous muscle spasms during and after orgasm. According to the study of Masters and Johnson this is due to contraction of the vaginal muscles. This causes other parts of the body to shake and tense up. This theory dates from the 1960s and is not 100% reliable anymore.
Some more alternative sources might describe this sensation as an overflow of sexual energy, going out through your limbs.
Weird, Mysterious and Fascinating
Weird sensations are fascinating but also sometimes a little scary. We don’t really know where they come from and exactly what it means.
Everyone will experience them slightly differently. And it’s absolutely okay if you haven’t experienced anything like this at all. But maybe you have a combination of soft tingly sensations in your head and a shallow numb right foot you haven’t been aware of, or maybe you feel gentle pins and needles in your face and have a wave-like eruption of full body cramp.
However, we are all different and in a 2010 study women were able to describe their orgasms with 27 different adjectives (Archives of Sexual Behavior). I am pretty sure there are many more weird sensations we can experience, in addition to the five I have mentioned above. So be aware and prepare to explore what energetic sensations your body might have to offer.
By Mariah FreyaFeatured Images by the talented Hélène Béland
—–
What other sensations have you experienced? How would you name them? Don’t be shy and share with me using the form at the bottom of the page.
4 erogenous Zone you may be neglecting or didn't know about!
A woman body has many erogenous zones all over her body. When touched properly these zones can bring her closer to an unforgettable orgasmic ride. In fact she can have an orgasm without being touched on her pussy.
The best way to personally experience these hot spots is during sensual full body massages. The pleasure found through these points is indescribable, activating energy throughout the whole body and not just in the genitals region. This opens her body up to more intense and longer lasting orgasms.
So let us check out this magic.
The 4 Unusual erogenous zones In a Woman’s Body
#1 The Neck
The back of her neck, the spine that leads up to the coccyx, the muscles wrapping around the spine on the neck are the channels that opens up her entire being.
When squeezed, and muscles are worked out to their entirety; not just teased and given a small amount of attention, but truly worked out all of their knots and tightness, with firm or gentle pressure and as long as it take. I like using the gentle heat of the stones for this. This area become an access to her full body orgasm.
#2 The Arms. The area of her arm below the shoulder and between her elbow on the exterior part of her arm is another.
When you find the point that is that one special pressure point and when pressed on directly and held for 10 seconds or more, she has the capability of moving into orgasmic breath and prepares the way for wave of pleasure fills through her body.
# 3 The Thighs
The outside of her thigh from above the knee all the way to her hips on the yang, or exterior side of her body are another erogenous zones of her body.
The "clitoris" of this area is along the rubber-band muscle that is in the inner layer of her muscles closer to the back side of her leg. The whole thigh muscle on the outside is her "lips", and LOVE to be pressed firmly and squeezed to release their tightness.
#4 The Foot
The top of the foot and the bottom of the foot is an entire erogenous zone system.
The top of the foot is like the "outer lips", the bottom of the foot is the "inner lips and labia", and the entrance to her vaginal canal and her clitoris is somewhere along the bottom of her foot. For each woman it will be in a different location, and only she can lead you to the right place. I have had women reporting that when I take her toes in my mouth and lick between her toes with my tongue they felt as if I was "going down" on their Yoni.
When the whole body and all of these erogenous zones are massaged in this way, women can move into total bliss and euphoria that is difficult to stand. Then her actual vagina is extremely engorged and ready to be massaged directly and MUCH more sensitive to the touch than when only massaged there. It’s like having foreplay for the body instead of going straight in to having sex right away. You have MUCH more pleasure when you have lots of foreplay than when you dive right in. The WHOLE body has the ability to have an orgasm and the more orgasms, the better!I know for certain that this is very true. A female body usually needs about 20 minutes to really open up and to be ready to “receive” penetration. You should only enter her sacred yoni once her golden fluids are flowing like a river.
The best way to personally experience these hot spots is during sensual full body massages. The pleasure found through these points is indescribable, activating energy throughout the whole body and not just in the genitals region. This opens her body up to more intense and longer lasting orgasms.
So let us check out this magic.
The 4 Unusual erogenous zones In a Woman’s Body
#1 The Neck
The back of her neck, the spine that leads up to the coccyx, the muscles wrapping around the spine on the neck are the channels that opens up her entire being.
When squeezed, and muscles are worked out to their entirety; not just teased and given a small amount of attention, but truly worked out all of their knots and tightness, with firm or gentle pressure and as long as it take. I like using the gentle heat of the stones for this. This area become an access to her full body orgasm.
#2 The Arms. The area of her arm below the shoulder and between her elbow on the exterior part of her arm is another.
When you find the point that is that one special pressure point and when pressed on directly and held for 10 seconds or more, she has the capability of moving into orgasmic breath and prepares the way for wave of pleasure fills through her body.
# 3 The Thighs
The outside of her thigh from above the knee all the way to her hips on the yang, or exterior side of her body are another erogenous zones of her body.
The "clitoris" of this area is along the rubber-band muscle that is in the inner layer of her muscles closer to the back side of her leg. The whole thigh muscle on the outside is her "lips", and LOVE to be pressed firmly and squeezed to release their tightness.
#4 The Foot
The top of the foot and the bottom of the foot is an entire erogenous zone system.
The top of the foot is like the "outer lips", the bottom of the foot is the "inner lips and labia", and the entrance to her vaginal canal and her clitoris is somewhere along the bottom of her foot. For each woman it will be in a different location, and only she can lead you to the right place. I have had women reporting that when I take her toes in my mouth and lick between her toes with my tongue they felt as if I was "going down" on their Yoni.
When the whole body and all of these erogenous zones are massaged in this way, women can move into total bliss and euphoria that is difficult to stand. Then her actual vagina is extremely engorged and ready to be massaged directly and MUCH more sensitive to the touch than when only massaged there. It’s like having foreplay for the body instead of going straight in to having sex right away. You have MUCH more pleasure when you have lots of foreplay than when you dive right in. The WHOLE body has the ability to have an orgasm and the more orgasms, the better!I know for certain that this is very true. A female body usually needs about 20 minutes to really open up and to be ready to “receive” penetration. You should only enter her sacred yoni once her golden fluids are flowing like a river.
Not in "the mood"? Read this....
Here's the secret behind the OTHER kind of desire you may be missing out on!
Desire is the craving for an experience. Sexual desire is one of the most mysterious of all human experiences. Science has yet to account for what creates desire, the range of desire between individuals or all the factors that either build or drain the experience of sexual desire.
There is one big secret about sexual desire, however, that can change the way you approach sex all together.
All great sex doesn’t begin with desire.
Most people assume that desire comes first, and then sex happens. Women especially are made to feel inadequate if they are not in the mood for sex or ready to initiate sex out of the blue. Many women worry that their libido has disappeared, or that they have no sex drive to speak of.
The truth is, lots of great sex starts before both people feel totally “in the mood!”
To understand this phenomenon, it is important to recognize that there is not just one kind of sexual desire!
Spontaneous Vs. Responsive Desire
There are two general kinds of sexual desire: Spontaneous Desire and Responsive Desire. Spontaneous Desire happens when something internal triggers your desire to have sex, and your body responds with excitement or anticipation. Responsive Desire happens when your lover has already initiated sexual connection and you find yourself responding positively and getting in the mood.
Traditionally it is thought that men experience more Spontaneous Desire and women are more prone to Responsive Desire. We believe that we are all capable of both, and that there is a lot of benefit in being aware of your capacity for both.
If you find yourself thinking about sex, follow your thoughts and see where they lead. Fantasizing is a great way to get yourself in the mood!
Equally, if your partner flirts with you or initiates sex, consider the possibility that it might feel great even if you are not immediately in the mood. Sex is like appetite, it often comes as you eat. Choose to move towards the connection rather than deny it right away. Go with it and remember that not every sexual connection will end with intercourse but it is still a lot of fun and is great to maintain a sense of connection and intimacy between you and your lover.
Why is it such taboo for a woman to seek a sensual erotic massage from a man that includes a happy ending?
I hear this question more and more, particularly from women who have been to my studio a number of times.
I should note that most of my small clientele consist of busy women who comes regularly and share their experience with their closest friends. Many are busy business women who are looking for relaxation with a little more intimate attention then they find at the average spas with registered massage therapists. Others are married (or both) and needing that "alone" time where they can be themselves and enjoy the sensuality and intimacy that is missing in their lives. And then there are younger ladies and college student who wants to learn more about sex, they want to learn and discover their own body and erogenous zones and experience the sensuality and level of eroticism that they cannot find elsewhere .
I obviously don't see this as taboo at all. When you think that men have massage studios which for the most part is poorly disguised prostitution establishments available everywhere.
I talk to women of all walks of life and for the most part, the most common comments that keeps coming back to me is the fact that it is hard for women to find a descent studio where they feel they are safe, respected and treated very well.
What I offer is a very real and relaxing sensual experience. The massage is intimate and an orgasm aka "happy ending" is more often then not part of it. But your experience and your satisfaction always come first.
When you choose to see me for a massage, you should come prepared to enjoy a relaxing session where everything is possible, but it's always entirely up to you as to how far it will go in terms of sensuality and eroticism.
I always make sure that my studio is very clean, the music playing is commercial free, soothing and the atmosphere very Zen, sensual and relaxing. I have researched and worked hard to create just the right Feng Shui that will make you feel at ease and peaceful.
I want you to want to come back and tell your closest friends about how wonderful your experience was!
I should note that most of my small clientele consist of busy women who comes regularly and share their experience with their closest friends. Many are busy business women who are looking for relaxation with a little more intimate attention then they find at the average spas with registered massage therapists. Others are married (or both) and needing that "alone" time where they can be themselves and enjoy the sensuality and intimacy that is missing in their lives. And then there are younger ladies and college student who wants to learn more about sex, they want to learn and discover their own body and erogenous zones and experience the sensuality and level of eroticism that they cannot find elsewhere .
I obviously don't see this as taboo at all. When you think that men have massage studios which for the most part is poorly disguised prostitution establishments available everywhere.
I talk to women of all walks of life and for the most part, the most common comments that keeps coming back to me is the fact that it is hard for women to find a descent studio where they feel they are safe, respected and treated very well.
What I offer is a very real and relaxing sensual experience. The massage is intimate and an orgasm aka "happy ending" is more often then not part of it. But your experience and your satisfaction always come first.
When you choose to see me for a massage, you should come prepared to enjoy a relaxing session where everything is possible, but it's always entirely up to you as to how far it will go in terms of sensuality and eroticism.
I always make sure that my studio is very clean, the music playing is commercial free, soothing and the atmosphere very Zen, sensual and relaxing. I have researched and worked hard to create just the right Feng Shui that will make you feel at ease and peaceful.
I want you to want to come back and tell your closest friends about how wonderful your experience was!
Ever heard about Karezza?
Karezza is not exactly new, it has been around for many years. (it was recorded as far back as 1930) It is now getting some momentum and worth talking about. Dr. Bass (Dr. Stanley S. Bass (b. 1918), N.D. D.C. Ph.C., Ph.D., D.O., D.Sc., D.D., founder of The Life Science, minister, yogi, Knight of Malta since 1983, orthopathic doctor for over 50 years in New York. He has produced books on the art of natural healing, superior nutrition, fasting and wholesome living. Website: www.drbass.com) says that when couples practice "standard sex", or conventional sex, discord and dissatisfaction often surface after a few years, or earlier. The wife may become uninterested in sex. The partners may lose interest in each other, so strain and stress appear, the marriage gets cold, and extra-marital affairs and divorces result. This is very common.
When couples instead start using Karezza, something new happens. Women love this kind of sex, as do men. Couples fall passionately in love again. (See e.g. the historical testimonials.) Extra-marital affairs stop. Interestingly, the longer the couple is together, when Karezza is practised, the stronger their mutual devotion and love becomes. A new atmosphere of peace and happiness permeates their whole family, something that will no doubt improve the wellbeing and health of all family members, including children.
What Karezza is:
By definition Karezza is the embrace - The word is Italian for Caress...The Embrace - the most perfect and satisfying thing in human life, between two mates who truly love. All other caresses point to this and are unsatisfactory because they are not it. It is the only embrace for the truly refined and poetic, as an adequate expression of their insatiable longing to be at one. It is Heaven, on earth.
The basic idea:
The basic idea is put the focus of your love making session be the eroticism and sensuality instead of the orgasm. To succeed with Karezza you must begin with the mental and spiritual values. Both the man and the woman must resolve that they do not wish the orgasm - that there is a greater spiritual and physical unity and emotional bliss to be obtained without it, besides the sense of safety. This must be the fixed thought and ideal of Karezza.
If you are novices, choose a time when you can both be all alone, unhurried and free from interruptions. Concentrate yourselves entirely on your love and joy and the blending of yourselves into one.
Let both of you think more about your love than your passion; translate your sex-passion as much as possible into heart-passion; be sensitively alive to the charm of each other's forms, tones, touch and fragrances; let the thought of
mutual tenderness and blessing never leave you for an instant, and make everything that you do and say and feel and think religious in its purity, idealism, aspiration. If you do not come nearer heaven in this act and relation, than in anything else you do or ever will do, you fail of perfect Karezza.
Let your embrace be music and a living poem.
Finally your touch will grow near and you will come to the focus of all, "the love-flesh" - the Flower. Be tender; be tender, for this is Holiness itself - the seal of God on the person.
When couples instead start using Karezza, something new happens. Women love this kind of sex, as do men. Couples fall passionately in love again. (See e.g. the historical testimonials.) Extra-marital affairs stop. Interestingly, the longer the couple is together, when Karezza is practised, the stronger their mutual devotion and love becomes. A new atmosphere of peace and happiness permeates their whole family, something that will no doubt improve the wellbeing and health of all family members, including children.
What Karezza is:
By definition Karezza is the embrace - The word is Italian for Caress...The Embrace - the most perfect and satisfying thing in human life, between two mates who truly love. All other caresses point to this and are unsatisfactory because they are not it. It is the only embrace for the truly refined and poetic, as an adequate expression of their insatiable longing to be at one. It is Heaven, on earth.
The basic idea:
The basic idea is put the focus of your love making session be the eroticism and sensuality instead of the orgasm. To succeed with Karezza you must begin with the mental and spiritual values. Both the man and the woman must resolve that they do not wish the orgasm - that there is a greater spiritual and physical unity and emotional bliss to be obtained without it, besides the sense of safety. This must be the fixed thought and ideal of Karezza.
If you are novices, choose a time when you can both be all alone, unhurried and free from interruptions. Concentrate yourselves entirely on your love and joy and the blending of yourselves into one.
Let both of you think more about your love than your passion; translate your sex-passion as much as possible into heart-passion; be sensitively alive to the charm of each other's forms, tones, touch and fragrances; let the thought of
mutual tenderness and blessing never leave you for an instant, and make everything that you do and say and feel and think religious in its purity, idealism, aspiration. If you do not come nearer heaven in this act and relation, than in anything else you do or ever will do, you fail of perfect Karezza.
Let your embrace be music and a living poem.
Finally your touch will grow near and you will come to the focus of all, "the love-flesh" - the Flower. Be tender; be tender, for this is Holiness itself - the seal of God on the person.
And what of Tantric Sexuality?
Tantra is a mystical subject that is nearly impossible to define. Tantra is a spiritual, sexual science that is not static in its definition.
When we embrace Tantra, we become more "complete." By identifying and stimulating our innate sensual spirituality, we discover parts of ourselves that have been repressed. Above all, we can learn to use Tantric energy for sexual pleasure and awareness.
Familiarity with Tantra can help a person enjoy their sex life to its fullest potential. It can help do away with guilt or fear, and Tantra can break down self-imposed or limiting cultural boundaries (as is the case in most Western societies).
Tantra teaches us to become familiar with our mystical nature, and when we do so, our boundaries (sexual and otherwise) expand. We enter into new realms of awareness, become empowered and are more fulfilled. In addition, the orgasm experienced in this state of consciousness are incredible, explosive and longer lasting.
Tantra is about sexual freedom
Tantra is the total surrender of all mental, emotional and cultural conditioning, so that universal life energy can flow through you freely. Tantra not only expands consciousness, it liberates it.
Tantra treats sexual energy as an ally, rather than something to be suppressed or discussed behind closed doors. It does not deny sex, in fact Tantra does the opposite by embracing sex. Tantra is the only spiritual practice that states that sex is sacred and not a sin — even outside of marriage.
There is a beautiful word for sex in the Sanskrit language, and that word is Kama , which means that sex and love go together; they're undivided and indivisible. Most everyone is familiar with the classic 7th century Tantric scripture, Kama Sutra which deals directly with sex and love.
Tantra unites
The essence of Tantra is the full expression of existence; a merging with, rather than a withdrawing from, sexual energy. This energy is used as an ignition for firing the body's biological energy system, merging it (and you) with universal energy.
In Tantra, sex is used as the cosmic union of opposites, to create the polarity charge that connects with the primordial energy from which everything arises in the universe.
In Tantra, sex is the totality of All.
The basic difference between unenlightened sexuality and Tantra is that sex becomes sacred and divine when you approach it from your heart and body, rather than solely from your mind. Tantra teaches you how to achieve this heightened sexuality.
Tantra and sexual awareness
Tantric sex is meditative, spontaneous and very intimate lovemaking. With Tantra you learn to prolong the act of making love and to focus on, rather than dispel, potent orgasmic energies moving through you, thereby raising the level of your consciousness.
Tantra transports sexuality from simply doing to actually being. There is no final sexual goal in Tantra, only the present moment of an ideal, harmonious union. Tantra teaches you to worship your sexual partner and to transform the act of sex into a sacrament of love.
Lovemaking between two partners, when entered with awareness, can be a gateway to sexual and spiritual ecstasy alike. Tantra, through sex, attempts to awaken powerful psychic energies within through which we can enter into higher states of consciousness.
The power of ecstasy
Imagine that you and your partner could merge the dual nature of your sexualities into an ecstatic union through the act of lovemaking. Tantra will teach you and your lover how to merge your sexual energies into a ball of ecstatic bliss.
As sexual beings, we have the ability to raise the energy levels within our bodies and use it to experience mystical states of consciousness. In effect, we become "gods" of our own bodies. Tantra will help you transcend the boundaries of your mind, using sexuality and energy.
Sexual positions of the kama sutra
The flower in bloom
Your woman draws up both of her knees until they nestle the curves of her breast; her feet find your armpits. She cups and lifts her buttocks with her palms, spreads her thighs and places her heels next to her hips, while you caress her breasts.
Sounds difficult? Well, practice makes perfect.
The jewel case
Your legs should run parallel to hers, joining them from toes to thighs. Your woman can remain below you or you can lie side by side, in which case she should always be on your left.
To add a twist to the element, your thighs can be interlaced as you squeeze each other in a pulsating rhythm. This is called "The Squeeze."
The rustic
Get her to lie on her back with both her thighs pressed tightly together and make love to her, keeping your thighs outside hers. Because the vagina ends up embracing and engulfing the penis in its entirety, it becomes quite enjoyable.
Striking
Your woman is in a sitting position with raised thighs; her feet should be placed on either side of your waist. When you penetrate her, forcefully push your entire penis in and out of her.
The cat
Have your woman lie on her stomach and grab hold of her ankles in your right hand and lift them high up. While you make love to her rub her face, neck and between her chest with your other hand.
The tripod
While standing against or near a wall, firmly lift one of her knees with your hand and make love to her; leave her hands free to explore and caress your body.
The buffet
While she's lying on the edge of a flat, sturdy surface, withdraw your penis completely from her vaginal area, and then penetrate her wholly in one shot. Do this continuously until she reaches orgasm (chances are this shouldn't take too long).
Always keep in mind...(Guys)
Remember that you should always maintain eye contact with your partner and allow yourself to feel with more than just your penis. Your entire existence should be involved in the process. And your soul, according to Tantra, completes the experience.
Communication is still the greatest key to a healthy sexual relationship, so talk to her before, during and after your sessions. There's much more to Tantra than what's outlined here; do yourself a favor and learn as much about Tantra as you can.
When we embrace Tantra, we become more "complete." By identifying and stimulating our innate sensual spirituality, we discover parts of ourselves that have been repressed. Above all, we can learn to use Tantric energy for sexual pleasure and awareness.
Familiarity with Tantra can help a person enjoy their sex life to its fullest potential. It can help do away with guilt or fear, and Tantra can break down self-imposed or limiting cultural boundaries (as is the case in most Western societies).
Tantra teaches us to become familiar with our mystical nature, and when we do so, our boundaries (sexual and otherwise) expand. We enter into new realms of awareness, become empowered and are more fulfilled. In addition, the orgasm experienced in this state of consciousness are incredible, explosive and longer lasting.
Tantra is about sexual freedom
Tantra is the total surrender of all mental, emotional and cultural conditioning, so that universal life energy can flow through you freely. Tantra not only expands consciousness, it liberates it.
Tantra treats sexual energy as an ally, rather than something to be suppressed or discussed behind closed doors. It does not deny sex, in fact Tantra does the opposite by embracing sex. Tantra is the only spiritual practice that states that sex is sacred and not a sin — even outside of marriage.
There is a beautiful word for sex in the Sanskrit language, and that word is Kama , which means that sex and love go together; they're undivided and indivisible. Most everyone is familiar with the classic 7th century Tantric scripture, Kama Sutra which deals directly with sex and love.
Tantra unites
The essence of Tantra is the full expression of existence; a merging with, rather than a withdrawing from, sexual energy. This energy is used as an ignition for firing the body's biological energy system, merging it (and you) with universal energy.
In Tantra, sex is used as the cosmic union of opposites, to create the polarity charge that connects with the primordial energy from which everything arises in the universe.
In Tantra, sex is the totality of All.
The basic difference between unenlightened sexuality and Tantra is that sex becomes sacred and divine when you approach it from your heart and body, rather than solely from your mind. Tantra teaches you how to achieve this heightened sexuality.
Tantra and sexual awareness
Tantric sex is meditative, spontaneous and very intimate lovemaking. With Tantra you learn to prolong the act of making love and to focus on, rather than dispel, potent orgasmic energies moving through you, thereby raising the level of your consciousness.
Tantra transports sexuality from simply doing to actually being. There is no final sexual goal in Tantra, only the present moment of an ideal, harmonious union. Tantra teaches you to worship your sexual partner and to transform the act of sex into a sacrament of love.
Lovemaking between two partners, when entered with awareness, can be a gateway to sexual and spiritual ecstasy alike. Tantra, through sex, attempts to awaken powerful psychic energies within through which we can enter into higher states of consciousness.
The power of ecstasy
Imagine that you and your partner could merge the dual nature of your sexualities into an ecstatic union through the act of lovemaking. Tantra will teach you and your lover how to merge your sexual energies into a ball of ecstatic bliss.
As sexual beings, we have the ability to raise the energy levels within our bodies and use it to experience mystical states of consciousness. In effect, we become "gods" of our own bodies. Tantra will help you transcend the boundaries of your mind, using sexuality and energy.
Sexual positions of the kama sutra
The flower in bloom
Your woman draws up both of her knees until they nestle the curves of her breast; her feet find your armpits. She cups and lifts her buttocks with her palms, spreads her thighs and places her heels next to her hips, while you caress her breasts.
Sounds difficult? Well, practice makes perfect.
The jewel case
Your legs should run parallel to hers, joining them from toes to thighs. Your woman can remain below you or you can lie side by side, in which case she should always be on your left.
To add a twist to the element, your thighs can be interlaced as you squeeze each other in a pulsating rhythm. This is called "The Squeeze."
The rustic
Get her to lie on her back with both her thighs pressed tightly together and make love to her, keeping your thighs outside hers. Because the vagina ends up embracing and engulfing the penis in its entirety, it becomes quite enjoyable.
Striking
Your woman is in a sitting position with raised thighs; her feet should be placed on either side of your waist. When you penetrate her, forcefully push your entire penis in and out of her.
The cat
Have your woman lie on her stomach and grab hold of her ankles in your right hand and lift them high up. While you make love to her rub her face, neck and between her chest with your other hand.
The tripod
While standing against or near a wall, firmly lift one of her knees with your hand and make love to her; leave her hands free to explore and caress your body.
The buffet
While she's lying on the edge of a flat, sturdy surface, withdraw your penis completely from her vaginal area, and then penetrate her wholly in one shot. Do this continuously until she reaches orgasm (chances are this shouldn't take too long).
Always keep in mind...(Guys)
Remember that you should always maintain eye contact with your partner and allow yourself to feel with more than just your penis. Your entire existence should be involved in the process. And your soul, according to Tantra, completes the experience.
Communication is still the greatest key to a healthy sexual relationship, so talk to her before, during and after your sessions. There's much more to Tantra than what's outlined here; do yourself a favor and learn as much about Tantra as you can.
Foreplay sets the stage... Anticipation is half the fun ...
don't rush the pre-game!
To that end, here are five fantastic ways to enjoyably extend foreplay every time you have sex.
1. Foreplay starts in your mind.
Foreplay should start long before you hit the sheets. Let your erotic tension build up all day by allowing yourself to think about sex. Invite your thoughts to wander off and daydream vividly about what you want to experience when you're with your lover.
The more detail you bring to your fantasies, the better! Your mind will start to send those yummy thoughts down to your body and you may find yourself wonderfully aroused when you finally see your lover.
By allowing foreplay to start in your own imagination, you'll not only prime your body but also give yourself the chance to clarify what exactly you're craving. Do you want tender, gentle lovemaking? Or do you want him to rough you up and toss you around tonight?
Let your erotic imagination lead the way.
2. Enjoy a massage.
It's often so hard to transition from a busy day to feeling like a sex goddess. If you need to de-stress and get in the zone, try a massage. Even five minutes of massage can flip your switch from stress to relaxation, bring your attention to the sensation in your body, and reconnect with your lover.
Don't just settle for an amateur back rub. Treat each other to deep, sensual and satisfying massages. If you're not sure how to do this, ask me to show the both of you...Soon, you'll both be swooning under each other's confident touch and your stress will melt away, allowing you to relax into pleasure and get ready for a delicious lovemaking session.
3. Take control in bed.
If your lover is always in a rush to move straight to intercourse, slow things down by taking control.
Ask your lover to relax on the bed and then take your time lavishing his body with slow touch. Every time your lover tries to touch you, lightly slap their hand away and let them know that you are in control for the moment.
Try flipping your lover over so they are face down, then kiss and nibble their shoulders and neck. Let them feel your body pressing into theirs and your weight pinning them down. Slowly build the anticipation and only allow your lover to touch you when his desire is urgent, throbbing, and immediate.
4. Ask for what you want.
Most lovers are more than willing to serve, but many get stuck on knowing just what to do. If you can get specific about your desires for more foreplay, you may find you have a more than willing partner.
Take some time to get clear about what your body craves. Do you want more feather-light touch all over your body? Do you want to spend more time kissing? Do you want to heat things up before sex with an erotic spanking?
Don't assume your lover knows what you want; ask for it directly. Try saying something like, "You know what would really get me in the mood tonight? I want to feel you kiss me all over, biting me lightly as you go. Don't stop until I tell you to."
Receiving direct requests from your lover is incredibly hot! Try to cultivate a relationship where you both make requests for what you are craving so you can better serve one another.
5. Tease it out.
Foreplay doesn't have to stop once arousal builds. Keep it going by teasing your lover, allowing their desire to build and build until it can't be contained. Many men rush towards intercourse because they don't trust their ability to stay hard and sustain their pleasure. For men, a great handjob is a delicious way to learn how suspend arousal without climaxing.
Develop your handjob techniques so you can bring him to the edge of orgasm and then suspend him there, prolonging his arousal and helping him learn how to stay hard longer. This will give you both more time to build arousal before you get to intercourse.
You can make foreplay the hottest part of making love, especially if you have the skills to keep one another in high states of arousal for long periods of time. Don't feel the need to rush towards the finish line.
Let's talk about female orgasm... Is it all in her head?
Click the image above to see this short video... tell me what you think!
