TANTRA MASSAGE STUDIO IN VANCOUVER
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  • About me
  • FAQ
  • Sexual Healing
  • Special Services
  • Testimonials
  • Sex Talk
  • Rules & Etiquettes
  • Modelling Gig Opportunity
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Your  private  Tantra  massage  studio    specializing   in   women   eroticism  and sensuality.

VANCOUVER TRANQUILITY SPA

Mature audience only.
under 19?
​CLick here


A healthy, well balanced sexuality is your fountain of youth. Create and maintain this youthful exuberance for yourself.

Before your spirit took presence in your body, you were a pure non-physical spiritual being.
It is sexual energy that made it possible to transform yourself from a spiritual being into having a human form.
Just as sexual energy merged your spirit with the physical body, sexual activation can provides profound spiritual experiences.
By consciously integrating your spiritual form with your sexual body, you expand your physical and emotional/mental balance within and with the world around you. That's how we become and remain "complete".
Radiance has nothing to do with chronological age. The more light you emanate, the more youthfulness you radiate.
Through tantra, we are all unique individual becoming one light, creating and radiating positive life giving energy .
As we navigate our ways through this journey of life, we all start out pure and 
unblemished. But as we go through life, we all experience instance that causes us to see that this world is not the perfect place we imagined as little kids. Most of us experience traumatic events that gets in our way of truly enjoying life fully. Regrets and resentments sets in and we loose ourselves in internal conflicts and turmoils. From our relationships with our parents, siblings, teachers or anyone we cross path with in our lives and we develop patterns of self defence to protect ourselves from the pain we suffered. These patterns are often self destructive and limit our ability to enjoy life fully, particularly our sexuality which is vital to our happiness. I would like to introduce you to a form of Tantric experience that can change all of that. I would like to bring peace and tranquility in the form of a positive, erotic sensual, sexual energy that will bring a clarity of mind that will stay with you and make you feel complete again. 


About Covid-19...Update


I was fully vaccinated (2 doses plus booster) and would like to encourage you to get vaccinated as well.  I am taking appointments again and counting on everyone's integrity to ensure we are all as safe as possible. My full time occupation as a commercial scuba diver is keeping me safer as far as Covid goes since I spend so much time underwater and away from anyone, I breath filtered, oxygen enriched air while working and take most of my payment through email money transfer.  I do understand the need to be touched and cared for, which is probably even more important now than ever.  We all need to take our minds off of all the doom and gloom and relax a little. Having a safe outlet to enjoy a sexually satisfying and fullfilling experience should not be overlooked. If you have such needs to relax, I understand. I believe that social distancing at this time is everyone responsibility and we should all take precautions but I also think that Tantra is conductive to a healthy living and the benefits are conductive to a better state of mind which promote better health in general. 
To book an appointment please tell me about you and your wishes, needs and desires. I have always counted on people's integrity and honesty in regard to your health and it is even more important now that you ensure that you are healthy in every ways before booking an appointment. Be safe out there, this will come to an end soon.

IMPORTANT NOTE:
  Tantra being what it is, there has to be a certain level of confidence, trust and integrity between us. I would not and I won't take appointements if there is the slightest doubt in my mind about my own health, I trust you to be likewise responsible. My studio is in a private residence. I do not "advertise" my services outside of this personal website. I strongly believe that what is meant to be will be and I believe that providing such healing shouldn't be "commercialized". Of course we all need to generate revenues to survive and the fees I post are meant to cover my time with you rather than what we do together. It is my belief that if you found me here it is because you specifically look up a need for your life and my showing up here is just the result of the universe bringing us in touch together because it is meant to be. 
There are no street signage here. It is meant to be very private and discrete. I have created a very Zen environment in my studio. It is nice and warm, cozy and generates an ambiance of calm and tranquility. You will always be the only person present here with me. I realize that the term "Spa" may lead to other expectations but there are no other services offered such as sauna, manicure and pedicure or anything like that. My studio is located in a typically modest Burnaby home in a residential area and I keep my practice quiet and on the "down low" so to speak so my friends and neighbours do not know what I do in my home. This is all meant to make you feel more secure and our discretion and privacy is assured. 
​
​Serge

There is no time like the present to enjoy life fully...


  Having lost my son to an avalanche in Alaska at the age of 25, (The movie The Alpinist on Amazon Prime is all about him)  I know first hand the emptiness one feels when there is something missing in our life. Waiting for "later" before making the changes we need to make to enjoy our life is taking that life for granted when in fact there never was any guarantee that "later" will ever be. 

My reasons for offering such healing Tantra sessions is to assist those who desire to experience and enjoy Tantra for what it brings: A place where you can be real to yourself and enjoy the healing, fulfilling and rejuvenating power of Tantra.
I would like to encourage all of us not to take life and our loved one for granted.  What you want to do today, do it now. Tell those you love how you feel and don't ever let the sun go down on an unresolved quarrel....

​Has the time come for you to  channel your energy towards the healing and nurturing aspect Tantra brings? Then you've come to the right place. Let’s make today the day when it all comes together for good and look toward a bright new future... clearly and open minded.
​Serge

Would you consider creating a unique Tantra session with me?

The search is ongoing as I am still looking for a sexy lady to model a Tantra session and/or photos with me...I am getting more demands for live and videos presentations. This could be a nice passive income opportunity for the right person.  Curious? Check it out!

Tantra brings peace
Relax and enjoy being pampered by expert hands

My name is Serge,
I am a male Tantra massage provider. I specializes in women body work, sensuality and Tantric eroticism. I will look after you in such a way
as to leave you touched by the level of care and attention I devote to your wellbeing.
I provide relaxing, sensual massage for women in the Vancouver (BC) area with a Tantra based approach.


I have always had a passion for healing, awakening the consciousness and enlightenment through working through positive sexual energy.
My intentions are to return sexuality to its proper place, reclaiming the awesome power of love and positive sexual energy.
Tantric sexuality is an ancient Eastern spiritual practice. Like yoga or Zen, it is practiced for the purpose of enlightenment and the philosophy transcends the bedroom into all aspects of life. Tantra teach that lovemaking, when entered into with awareness, is a gateway to both sexual and spiritual transcendence. In the Tantric tradition, intercourse and orgasm combine to produce spiritual awareness at its peak. The moment when Shiva--male energy--and Shakti--female energy--come into a sexual union is believed to be the highest point of enlightenment. This is not to say that because you come for a sensual Tantra based massage that this level sexuality is required, but it is available.
Tantric sex is a deeply spiritual, meditative, spontaneous, and intimate form of communication. Tantra is said to teach participants how to prolong the act of pleasuring each other through channeling, rather than dissipating, potent orgasmic energies. In my practice, you have the options of simply enjoying receiving what I bring or take on a more participatory role if you get to a place where this is the course your spirit leads you into in the moment. These channeled energies flow throughout the body, raising the level of sexual consciousness. There is no goal in Tantric sex; the participant aims only to increase bodily awareness and to be spiritually present in a perfect and harmonious union with their partner. Tantra is not concerned with using one's partner for sexual gratification. Instead, Tantric partners provide each other with vital energies that continue to build even after the session is completed.
We are all human and we are  born with 5 basic senses: Touch and being touched are just as important to our soul as food and water is to our bodies. In order to feel and be complete we need to enjoy all of our senses. i am here to bring it all together. 

Contrary to an "escort" services which ultimately deplete the energy of both participant what I offer is a Tantra based massage experience because I believe in the beautiful, positive energy it brings to those who seeks its benefits for their life. Bringing peace and calm into your life brings the equivalent into mine as well. It is a win-win situation that builds both of us.

​ We should all spread more love and acceptance and less hatred and judgements.

_______________________

See the page About me for more informations about myself.

What others shared about me:

"Serge is a gentleman. He has a beautiful mind and a generous heart. He is amazing in his ability to make people smile. He is like no others. He is ever willing to help and support anyone who needs it. He is kind and compassionate." Jen, Vancouver BC

"Thanks again for last night Serge. For being patient and kind and allowing me to be where I was in the moment. Not to mention that the massage was amazing and I have never felt anyone with such amazing skills around my Yoni. Your soft but firm touch was perfect and I literally can't stop thinking about it."
C.L Burnaby BC

"My time with Serge, was healing, rejuvenating and beautiful. I am finding a part of myself I never knew existed. A sensual, strong, and happy woman.
His touch is kind respectful and exactly what you need. With Serge anything you need is possible. He is truly a kind selfless lover."
B... Vancouver BC



More testimonial here.

Pictures of location


I like changes... things may be arranged slightly differently than those pictures but you get the general idea... I like to change things around every now and then just for a change.

You will find easy, free parking on the street in front of my studio.


About love, lust,  understanding and monogamy...
​

I was married to the same woman and faithful for 25 years and had 3 children with this woman I loved very much. During all those years we had our ups and downs just like all couples but made it work. During all those years, I have to admit that I often had desires to enjoy being with someone else for sex. It's not that I loved my wife less or find her less attractive. But we human are visual people. We get turned on by visual stimulation and I don't believe  we were ever meant to be monogamous. There are different species in the animal kingdom who are monogamous and once they form a couple, they are together for life and once one dies, the other follows shortly thereafter... but that is not the case for us human. 
Not only are we visual, but we are also spiritual, social and emotional beings. We all need to socialize, meet other people, make friends and generally enjoy meeting new people. We find pleasures in discovering someone new, be it physically emotionally or otherwise. It is normal to feel this way, someone intent on connecting with us will get our chemistry going and we all have such chemistry because we are meant to enjoy it. Those who report having had an extramarital relationship say it was with a close friend, co-worker or long-term acquaintance; these tend not to be random strangers but people who brings a certain "something" that we need in that moment... whatever that "something" is. 
What’s more, an act of infidelity is often understood as the “dealbreaker” in relationships. And few people are abhorred more than those known to have “cheated.” Movies, songs and literature are replete with stories depicting the appalling retribution believed owed to those who stray.

Despite all this, studies show that most people have in fact engaged in some type of infidelity in the past or have experienced a partner’s infidelity.
The question arises then: Is it time to ditch, or rethink, monogamy as a standard?
Optimistic expectations
Research shows that most people both expect romantic and sexual exclusivity to be in place very early in their relationships and that they denounce infidelity.

Is jealousy and suspicion undermining your monogamous relationship? Or is jealousy and suspicions a sign of insecurity?  Despite strong universal disapproval of infidelity, and despite optimistic expectations, studies show that infidelity remains, year after year, the primary cause of relationship break-ups and divorce.
Now, if you factor in the stress, distrust and discord that even the thought of infidelity causes to those relationships it does not destroy, you begin to understand the weight of its consequences.
Fantasizing about a different lover?
Is monogamy reasonable? Can we ever reconcile the improbability of spending a lifetime (also known as many years) with a partner without ever being drawn to another?
Can we admit that our partners might not meet all of our needs at all times? That we could experience attraction to another without a complete surrender of our rights to a loving and respectful relationship or a wish to abandon our lives to race off with the other person?
These questions are more poignant in light of research indicating that intimate relationships are becoming less rewarding over time even as our expectations of what they should deliver steadily increase.


In most Western countries, belief in the importance of monogamy is strong, yet relatively few individuals actually discuss with their partner what monogamy must entail.
Is online flirting with an ex you will never see again “cheating?” Is fantasizing about a celebrity lover being untrue to your One True Love?
Jealousy and suspicion are the tools
A series of studies by psychologists  makes clear that we are notably inconsistent in the monogamy standards that we hold for ourselves versus those we hold for our partners. For example, we are far more lenient and tolerant in explaining our own versus our partner’s behaviour.
Those who endorse alternative approaches — such as “consensual non-monogamy” which allows for romantic or sexual relationships beyond the primary relationship, with the partner’s consent — argue that monogamous relationships are far less stable because people use jealousy, monitoring and suspicion as tools to hold their partners to this difficult standard.
Individuals in supposedly monogamous relationships are also less likely to practise safe sex when they cheat (putting their primary partner’s health at risk) than are those in consensually non-monogamous relationships. And questions arise about whether you are really practising “monogamy” if you’re exclusive but in relationship after relationship after relationship — that is, for those who change primary partners after just a few years.
Rewriting the fairytale
To discuss dealbreakers in one’s relationship, it is essential for a couple to define what constitutes a betrayal, violation of trust or act of dishonesty.


Negotiating guidelines with your partner can help you both be on the same page, about what types and expressions of connection with others are acceptable. 
If a couple can plan ahead of time for the possibility than one or both partners might have an intimate moment with another person at some point, this can reinforce the flexibility, tolerance and forgiveness required to adjust if that happens.
It all depends on the circumstances, of course, but accepting that another person might offer something that we or our partners need can leave couples better-positioned to move forward and adjust or negotiate if necessary, without an entire and irreversible relationship disintegration.
This is key: If we can admit to ourselves that a fleeting attraction, or more meaningful connection, with another partner might not irreparably harm our primary relationship — and indeed might supplement it — then our relationships might survive longer and better.
A new viewpoint requires a willingness to supplant the fairytale — a belief (often cherished) that one person can forever meet all your emotional, romantic and sexual needs.
Lunch is ok, touch is out
This is unlikely to be easy for most of us. The idea of a partner being distracted by another can induce panic in the most stalwart and confident. But insisting upon a fairly unreasonable standard (lifelong exclusivity or else!) can in fact harbour the possibility of secrecy and betrayal.


Negotiate with your partner and make guidelines such as ‘Lunch is ok, touching is not.
The emphasis in relationships needs always to be on openness, caring and mutual consent.
This is not to say that you or your partner will ultimately connect intimately with another person in any way despite adopting a new viewpoint about exclusivity. It also does not mean you have to agree that “anything goes,” that your relationship becomes an open relationship in the broadest sense of that term, or that anyone at all can enter your private sphere.
It is wise to negotiate some guidelines with your partner — about who or what type of person might be invited to look in on that sphere, for a moment or longer, and what might be acceptable ways to connect with another person (e.g. lunch is okay, touch is out), should the need or want arise.
If you also discuss how best to talk about it, this approach can go far in keeping your relationship truthful, transparent and trusting — making the need for a dealbreaker that much less relevant altogether.
How can I be of assistance? Simply put, I am a man who understand the dynamics of monogamy and the challenges it presents. Because I understand, I am able to offer a place where I can be the man who fills the void in times of needs, bring that touch of excitement while keeping it simple, drama free and to a certain extend, risk free. I offer complete anonymity, flexibility, privacy and discretion. The amazing thing about Tantra is that it brings people closer together by creating a place where we can freely enjoy one another completely without fear of judgements or misplaced morality. I am here to make a place for you where you can be you and enjoy exactly what you need and feel good about it. 


Who I am.


Let us begin by being honest about why we are here...


Wellness of spirit through Tantra
If you are looking for a massage studio where you pay a fee to simply have sex.... click here.

​
What I'm  here for:
  • I primarily specializes and concentrate on providing women with a place they can feel safe, secure and at peace to enjoy  a sensual erotic Tantra based massage with the option of  taking it beyond what would be expected from a typical clinical  therapeutic massage studio.
  • Provide a clean comfortable place where you can relax and be cared for lovingly in a respectful studio.
  • Create a space where you can be real and enjoy the higher level of sensuality and intimacy that's missing in your life.
  • Help women and couples enhance their intimacy.
  • Work with couples and individuals looking to turn negative sexual energy into positive energy.
  • Provide support for victims of sexual abuse.

Who comes to my studio?

People who comes to my studio are from all walks of life and come for a number of reasons.
I would say that most finds me because they have dealt with a number of frustrations in their lives, mostly in terms of intimacy.

Many have had issues with sexual or other forms of abuse in their lives.
Others are struggling with an unsatisfying sex life in their current relationships (or lack thereof) and looking to fill a need that is important to them in a discrete and very private setting.

Many are professional women with busy lives and little time for the nonsense of cruising bars or online "dating" that leaves them feeling empty. They come to relax and enjoy the intimacy they desires knowing that they will leave feeling rejuvenated and fully satisfied on all levels.

Most of my regular clients are women who have a healthy sex drive and need an outlet where they can enjoy intimacy and not feel guilty for being real. If that means to simply enjoying being taken care of without feeling the need to reciprocate in any ways but know that they can if they want to. I take care of myself and my health in every possible way to ensure your health is in good hands. 

Some are couples looking to improve on their intimacy together and learn more about what Tantra brings or simply to add a little spice to their intimacy and life together.

Some couples comes over because the husband has had health issues (causing erectile dysfunction) of all sorts that prevents them from being able to perform and have intimacy with their wives. They understand that the wife still has needs and finding a place and a man they can go to where she can enjoy intimacy in a respectful and respectable setting is hard to find. I offer such a place and it is an honour for me to take on that role and provide such an intimate and personal experience. Being the "surrogate husband" and make her feel loved and respected is my #1 priority .

And there are some who simply need a place to unload a burden that is too heavy to bear on their own and need a listener who will understand and not judge.

As we are going through this pandemic, you may feel particularly isolated and negative. I understand. We all need human interaction, human touch, ears that listen and someone who will understand and not try to fix you.
Sometimes a little cuddling and physical attention/interaction goes a long way to restore the soul. If you feel this way and need a quiet, rejuvenating massage to bring some positive energy in your life for an evening, please feel free to share, maybe bring your favorite wine and we can take some time relaxing and chilling together before going into the studio or take a glass of wine with us and get comfortable before getting started with the session.

Tantra is all about connectivity .

Calm and peace of mind through Tantra
​My method of connecting and providing a deeper level of relaxation that promotes healing through sensuality is through my massage and touching. I have developed a form of Tantric massage that combine several elements including a gentle approach to a form of touching that goes deeper then skin deep... I took the time to prepare my studio to create a well balance Feng Shui where peace, love and acceptance can be felt and developed further. I use only pure unscented coconut oil and hot stones and our whole bodies to create something that feels different for each recipient as it is never the same... Our spiritual needs, thirst and desires changes from one day to the next. Our perceptions are influenced by our emotional sates which fluctuate from one moment to the next. So no two sessions will ever be exactly the same....
The sessions we will share will be as unique and individual as your particular needs are in that moment.
Read more about Tantra on the FAQ page

It's not so much the way I do what I do that matters most. It's the way I make you feel that will stay with you... I'm here to make you feel the best you can possibly feel and I do so with a loving, caring tender touch you will remember for always. 
Tantra brings healing for the soul

Feel of Home
My massage studio is in my home. It is meant to make you feel at home, safe and very comfortable. Please note that despite the fact that I called my little Tantra massage studio Vancouver Tranquility Spa, this is not the type of place where you walk into a commercial place with street front signage where you'll find chairs for manicure and pedicure and people milling about. This is a private typically modest Burnaby residence that is well maintained and feels more like visiting a friend. You and I will be the only people here when you come.
The professional aspect.
I always maintain a relaxed yet professional approach to everything I do. I am very intuitive and pay close attention to your verbal and/or body language. I always ask if what I do feels right to you and frequently ask how you feel.

The purpose of my massage
I am a male massage provider (non registered or certified) who provides healing and relaxing sensual massage for woman. I'm located in Burnaby BC and welcome people from all over the world.
I specialize in women sensuality and eroticism. I offer sensual massage geared specifically towards women and my studio is intended to make you fell at ease and comfortable to express the true you as you enjoy being when no one is watching... The purpose of my massage is to provide healing, sensuality and your complete relaxation. It is intended to create a space for you to receive focused attention so that you get exactly what you are needing, wanting and expecting. You can come to soothe your aching body and relax your mind where I can help you attain a long, delicious state of relaxation or help you achieve a higher level of sustained arousal, satisfaction, inner peace and calm.

Are you looking to be touched?
I am the masseur who specializes in relaxation, healing, sensuality and eroticism to bring you the inner peace we all need in this hectic world.

Indulge yourself in an unrushed and deeply relaxing experience.
I combine a complete body massage with a great blend of massage techniques including feather touch sensual massage to create the most wonderful full body massage experience.

I am familiar with both, Tantra and Kama Sutra. Should you be interested in discovering a new depth through Tantra, or experiencing the soul seeking connectivity of KamaSutra, I can certainly lead and bring you there.
I am an easy going man who tends to make everyone feel comfortable, and I welcome couples who are interested in massage either side by side, or one after the other. (Please note: I do not have a female provider to work with me therefore if you’re not comfortable having a man providing the massage, then this service is not for you)
Indulging in the visual aspect and sharing in the moment when your partner being massaged, her (his) body glistening with pure unscented coconut oil under the candlelight as she (he) relaxes and enjoy herself (himself) and is fully relaxed is a fantastic experience....
I encourage you to have an open mind and to leave your worries and hang ups behind when you see me and enjoy a profoundly satisfying experience.

Nudity
Nudity is part of the erotic, sensual massage experience. Since I specialize in sensuality and eroticism, I am comfortable to work in the nude. There is a heighten element of sensuality and eroticism when both the recipient and the provider are equally naked. I always perform the massage in the nude unless I’m asked otherwise prior to beginning the session.

Happy Ending? Not a problem but...Hold that thought just for a moment...

Ask women and you'll hear over and over again that people, men more so, often tend to focus on the orgasm as the ultimate euphoric goal of their intimate time together. I’m here to introduce you to a new approach where the intimacy becomes the path to true healing, intense pleasure and oneness. The orgasm that follow, should it go that far, will be the most natural and all encompassing end that will leave you feeling amazingly relaxed and nurtured, even nourished with love and respect.

What I bring is the idea that orgasm is left out of the equation and we concentrate on the relaxing aspect, the sensuality and eroticism and particularly the intimacy and connection level that comes from a genuine love for life and all that surrounds us.

This practice called Karezza and it is growing among those wanting to improve the intimacy in their life. I talk more in depth about this on the page Sex Talk.

Removing the focus from the usual goal of orgasm, you can concentrate more on the gentle touching, the caressing, the feeling of bodies brushing against each other, colliding. In fact the word Karezza is Italian for "caress." Actual genital penetration is either post-poned or bypassed all together for everything else or viewed and felt as the union of two souls connecting and joining together in a sensual, suspended way rather then the sexual trust for the man to reach his goal. What I do, all my intentions are to provide you with the pleasures you seek. My own sense of satisfaction grows exponentially with yours and is your pleasure is my only focus. Both, men and women, soon discover their body is filled with numerous erogenous zones besides the typical "main areas."

The fingertips and tongue are powerful erotic instruments of pleasure, trust me with using mine correctly over your body to awakens tingling satisfactions otherwise missed when the orgasm via the regular route is the focus.

Experience what it is like to have erogenous zones you didn't know about delicately teased with fingertips, firm hands, lips and tongue and a mixture of hot oil and hot stones.
Feel your fingers, hands feet and toes being pleasantly, delicately taken care of to uncover a tantalizing tactile paradise but gentle enough for pleasure and intimate awakening.
The “bigO” may and often does come…. but in due time and with the profound healing it is supposed to provide.

Are you ready for a real sensual connection and relaxing escape? Go on, give it a try, isn't time you reached for it and treat yourself to something this special?

While you're pondering the above question, take the time to browse through the different pages I have created for you to get to know me better.

The Tantra vision in short:
 The philosophy behind Tantra is one of wholeness and embracing everything. The belief is that every experience, pleasant or unpleasant, serves to teach a person to become more aware of who they are and how to expand their mental and physical capacities and enjoyment. For instance, feeling sexual frustrations is not viewed negatively in Tantra but rather as an inspiration for reflection. It provides an opportunity to examine one's personal sexual convictions and motivations and turn negative energy into positive. Through self-inspection, a better sense of how to improve your sex life can develop. With practice, these changes will transfer to all other aspects of life and allow you to lead a more enjoyable, fulfilling existence. Tantra is not just a matter of enjoying good sex... it is soft and gentle, it is a connectivity that goes deeper. It is respectful and loving. Tantra is meant to build each other up and share pleasures and the enjoyment of our sensuality that goes far beyond the physical aspect... Tantra is love shared in pure form...
​
The Transcendence of Tantric Sex; What scientist think of Tantra.


A psychologist argues science can take a lesson from ritual about how to heal.


  • BY DAVID DESTENO August 18, 2021


Humans have always strived to develop technologies that give us some control, or at least the feelings of control, over the challenges that life throws at us. Psychologists like me devote our professional lives to figuring out why people think and feel what they do, and, in cases where those thoughts or actions are undesirable, to helping people change. We conduct experiments to see whether a certain type of drug or therapy alleviates anxiety or pain. We test “nudges,” such as policies that require people to opt in or opt out of a program, to help them save for retirement or become an organ donor. We design and evaluate social and dating algorithms and platforms to help connect people who might otherwise feel isolated. We aim to satisfy people’s urgent desires for science-backed life hacks that will make them smarter, healthier, and happier.
This is all great. We’re lucky to be living at a time when the rate of discovery and the flow of information has never been quicker. But for thousands of years, humans have gone about developing tools outside of the strict scientific method. Much of what psychologists and neuroscientists have learned about how to change people’s beliefs, feelings, and behaviors—how to support them when they grieve, how to help them find connection and happiness—echo ideas and techniques that religions have been using for thousands of years.
You can think of tantric sex as a “connection hack,” because that’s exactly how it operates.
I firmly believe the scientific method is a wonder. It’s a framework that offers one of the best ways to test ideas about how the world works. But when it comes to thinking about how to help people through life’s travails, we scientists shouldn’t be starting from scratch. If we remove the theology—views about the nature of God, the creation of the universe, and the like—from the day-to-day practice of religious faith, most of the debates that stoke animosity between science and religion evaporate. What we’re left with is a series of rituals, customs, and sentiments that are themselves the results of experiments of sorts. Over thousands of years, these experiments, carried out in the messy thick of life as opposed to sterile labs, have led to the design of what we might call spiritual technologies—tools and processes meant to sooth, move, convince, or otherwise tweak the mind. To ignore that body of knowledge is to slow the progress of science itself and limit its potential benefit to humanity.
Let’s look at one of those spiritual technologies, one that satisfies some of the deepest yearnings humans experience. Yearnings for union and meaning. For many people, the word “tantra” brings to mind techniques for enhancing sexual pleasure. And if you google “tantra,” you’ll find lots of links to Cosmopolitan, Goop, and other wellness sites that present it mostly in this context. They might give a quick nod to its spiritual potential, but most of the discussion will focus on physical ecstasy.
In its original incarnation, though, tantra wasn’t about pleasure. It was a set of beliefs and techniques meant to break people out of their normal patterns of thought and ways of seeing the world. The goal was to foster a direct experience with the divine. While some tantric techniques involved taboo practices (e.g., eating meat or drinking alcohol if your religion usually forbade it), others relied on direct manipulations of the body to achieve altered states. All of them were meant to help people feel a sense of communion with something greater than themselves.
When it comes to tantric techniques, the ones that leverage the body’s wiring—and an easy way to do that is via sex—use a deep feeling of connection with another person as a jumping-off point to that greater transcendent experience. And either or both these types of connection can banish the loneliness that life sometimes brings, especially as people strike out on their own.
Because they use the body to manipulate the mind, most tantric sexual techniques focus on physical elements. They share an emphasis on deep breathing and breath control, touch and massage, affirming mutual eye gazes, and synchronous movement. The goal isn’t to rush to climax; it’s to bond and connect as those taking part lose themselves in each other.
Like many spiritual technologies, the tools that make up tantric sex are well thought out: the combined implementation of the breathing, the massaging, the gazing, and the bodily syncing exerts a specific influence on the mind. You can think of it as a “connection hack,” because that’s exactly how it operates. To see why, we first need to take a brief look at how the human body is wired for connection.
Polyvagal theory (PVT) provides a perfect lens for viewing the physiology of connection. In Latin, vagus means wandering, and that’s an apt name for the body’s longest nerve. After leaving the brainstem, the vagus nerve snakes through the body, extending its fibers to a host of muscles and organs: parts of the mouth and throat, the heart, the lungs, the stomach, and the intestines, to name a few. The vagus nerve also does double duty: It delivers information from the body to the brain as it conveys orders from the brain to the body.
The vagus nerve has two branches. The more ancient one is common to most animals. Reptiles have it; so do fish. Its purpose is simple: to keep the animal from harm by activating the fight-or-flight system. It elevates heart rate and breathing so that animals can escape threats. Or, when escape is all but impossible, it makes animals play dead or faint, as most predators avoid eating carrion.
This change in the brain’s normal electrical patterns can alter how people experience the world.
Animals aren’t always being preyed on, of course. They have less stressful periods too. If you’re a turtle, lizard, or frog, there’s not that much else you need to do during much of this time except feed. Otherwise, except for a quick, nonintimate mating here and there, best to sit tight, conserve your energy, or keep looking for some food. But if you’re a mammal, and especially if you’re a human, sitting alone isn’t helpful. Many would consider it problematic. It’s through building and reinforcing social connections that most mammals improve their situation in life. It’s how we humans form the bonds necessary for our survival and well-being. And that’s why we, unlike turtles and the like, have a second, newer branch of the vagus nerve to help us thrive.
This newer branch has three primary functions. The first centers on the heart and its ties to respiration. As activity in the vagus—also known as vagal tone—increases, a person’s heart rate and respiration slow. The second function centers on the endocrine system. As vagal tone goes up, the release of stress hormones in the body goes down. Higher vagal tone works like a brake on our physiology; it calms us. The third function centers on communication. Increased vagal tone enhances emotional expression in the face, the inner ear’s ability to tune itself to the frequencies most associated with human speech, and the larynx’s ability to relax and produce tones in a more soothing range. All told, heightened vagal tone primes people to socialize, communicate, and connect.
There’s a good deal of research showing that increased vagal tone supports stronger and more empathic bonds between people. In children, for example, heightened vagal tone predicts more positive emotions, fewer problematic behaviors toward others, and increased social skills. In adults, greater vagal tone is associated with better social connectedness, enhanced well-being, and greater empathy for others. And in the case of romantic love, a couple’s vagal tone becomes regularly elevated—a calming of cardiac reactivity that works to buttress them against stress.
Religions have found ways to manipulate vagal tone in order to increase our sense of connection and empathy, perhaps most notably in the practice of tantric sex. When couples follow tantric practice, intentionally slowing and deepening their breathing, caressing each other and gazing into each other’s eyes, their heart rates decrease as their vagal tones rise. Tantric sex is less about orgasm than it is about creating a transcendent sense of connection.
Direct manipulation of vagal tone through touch, breath control, and gaze aren’t the only arrows tantric sex has in its quiver. It also changes people’s physiological states via synchronization. Psychophysiologists have known for decades that as the physical distance between people decreases, their bodily rhythms begin to mirror one another. Their breathing and heart rates become synchronized. Greater synchronization creates a stronger sense of connection. As two lovers begin to align their movements, it becomes easier for each person to predict the other’s thoughts and feelings. Synchrony helps intuition as bodily states begin to match.
Connection works the other way too. Synchrony doesn’t just make people feel closer to each other; how close they emotionally feel at the start of any encounter can also affect synchrony. For example, studies show that conversing couples’ heart rhythms, respiration rates, and vagal tones tend to synchronize, but the fidelity of the linkage—the degree to which the physiological signals move in lockstep between the partners—depends on their marital satisfaction. The happier they are with each other, the more their bodily states mirror each other. Over time, this means that as each act of tantric sex brings lovers closer, it also sets up the next encounter to provide an even stronger experience of connection.
Unlike some spiritual practices, the elements of tantric sex don’t need to be closely tied to specific theological principles. They rely more on controlling the body to influence the mind. Like meditation, tantric practice is adaptable to a variety of purposes and faiths. There’s a new breed of Christian sex coaches who teach these techniques and professors at major Christian universities who are researching their history and the role sex might have played in early Judeo-Christian thought. Removing Hindu and Buddhist religious notions doesn’t alter the way tantric techniques affect the body and mind. The practice can work without the theology. So if you’re interested in this route to connection with a partner, these tools are quite easy to incorporate.
But what about transcendence? If you’re using tantric sex to connect with more than just your partner, an altered state of consciousness has to be involved somewhere. Here’s where the rhythmic aspect of tantric sex comes in. The synchronized groove that tantric lovers attain doesn’t only produce a deep sense of bonding; it also can change conscious experience. Sustained rhythmic, physical stimulation leads to neural entrainment—an alignment of neural signals that produces an explosion in brain activity. If you think of the brain as a blob with electrical pulses running through it, neural entrainment means that the pulses don’t seem random. They seem to be occurring in time with each other, as if the whole brain is pulsing to the same rhythm. As these pulses mirror each other, they reinforce each other until the power of this signal interferes with the normal operation of the brain.
This change in the brain’s normal electrical patterns can alter how people experience the world. Your brain interprets the information that comes in from your eyes, ears, and other sense organs. So when your brain gets hijacked, so, too, do your senses. The result is that lovers will feel not only closer to each other but further from everyday reality. They might suddenly sense the divine with the same kind of clarity and immediacy with which they usually feel the normal world every day. This is the original purpose of tantra and why—despite its R-rated reputation in some quarters—it qualifies fully as a spiritual practice.


David DeSteno is a professor of psychology at Northeastern University. He has written about his research in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic, and other publications. 
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